If you are just joining our How to Decorate {for the DIY’er} Series, welcome! Miss a post? You can find all the entries for our series listed conveniently on one page here.
Welcome back class! We’re on Day 10 of our How to Decorate Series and today we’re going to hear from an artist, designer, and fun momma, Ashley from The Handmade Home. I’m not going to give Ashley a lengthy intro today because I want to make sure you read every word of her post. (I couldn’t have said it all better myself!) Ashley has managed to encapsulate everything I wanted this series to convey in one brilliant post ;). Enjoy!
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Hey all you wonderful A to Z readers! To say I was supastoked when Beth asked me to be a part of this series, would be an understatement. I’m honored to share with you today, and thought I’d include a little bit of the personal side of decorating and design for me.
Let me start by saying, last year I turned the big 3-0. And I’ve embraced it. I think I may even be going through a bit of a rebellious stage. {I know, right? Cue the gasps} You see, I’ve always been a people pleaser. Not only that, let’s add southern to the mix and we can up the ante to about five times the normal potent strength of people pleasing potential. I’m the one who never said no, the doormat who was angry after the fact, and the oldest child who tried to make everyone happy. I was exhausted.
But this isn’t a counseling session, and my point: I realized those attributes extended to every area of my life. Including the choices I made when decorating our home. I was limiting myself, and I wasn’t brave enough to simply go for it. I wasn’t even really sure what to go for. {tiny violin} As I’ve grown, I’ve achieved the most delightful results: I no longer worry anymore about things I wish I could do. I simply start doing them. I’m no longer inhibited by what-if-the-new-owner-of-my-home-doesn’t-like-this-itis or the acute my-sister-in-law-won’t-approve-syndrome. And as a result, I’ve never been happier.
I’ve learned to be passionate about what I really love, and by embracing it, I pursue it. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t just make up my mind one day. It’s been a slow process of training myself to think differently. Much of that has to do with the fact that I finally know who I am as a person, and a designer.
I have a new motto :
In turning this page for myself, I’ve seen a lot of this same syndrome in the people I help with their own homes. There are millions upon millions of people out there, simply paralyzed with doubt, fear, and unnecessary questions. Stuck in design limbo because they doubt themselves. It’s like we all need someone to tell us it really is all going to be amazing.
What if that someone was yourself?
As a result of conquering my own personal demons, here are three of the main guidelines that I stick to for my own spaces, and for helping others design theirs.
1. Follow your instincts.
Some of you are all, “Yeah. Well, duh.” But did you hear me? I said your instincts. Not anyone elses. For instance: your mom’s. Mom’s opinions are great. Until they start telling you what you can or cannot do with that piece of furniture she GAVE you from 1985. It’s composed of laminate and that looks like it fell off the back of a bean truck, but would look incredible, mind you, with a fresh coat of white paint. Only she forbade you to paint it. Why? Because she’s your mom and that’s what she does. Only this isn’t 1985. You are an adult. Listen to yourself. Do what you love. Or else you’ll never enjoy a cohesive, beautiful home created by you. {Obligatory disclaimer: my mom is actually very supportive of my painting ventures, and not everything needs to be painted. But I hear this a little too much from clients.}
I’m still undoing some of my I-bought-this-when-we-were-first-married-because-this-is-what-you’re-supposed-to-do, outright mistakes. We get so caught up in the projected ideals of others, that we forget the practical. In that process, we sacrifice what WE love. We should never have to sacrifice that in our own homes.
My husband and I woke up one morning, and decided we wanted to build a wall for our back porch, to turn it into an additional room. So we saved, and built. At the last moment, I also decided I wanted stripes on the planks of my walls. I listened to my instincts, and I went for it. And we love that room. Not my mom. Not my mother in law. Us. We do.
2. If you don’t like it, change it.
It’s really great that you spent 1200 dollars each on those dark bachelor club sofas circa 2007. {I may or may not be throwing up a little in my mouth as I refer to myself} Now that you’ve come into your own taste, and you’ve decided it’s not for you, what should you do? Sell them. Then use those funds to buy what you really want. Be savvy and resourceful and smart with your moolah, and do what you feel passionate about to create a home you love. After all, aren’t those couches considered value-less if you don’t love them anyway?
We moved into a brand new cookie cutter home circa fall 2007 and it had a cookie cutter kitchen. Some people would be perfectly happy with that kitchen. Nothing was wrong with it, except the fact that I hated it. I’m not an ingrate, so it took me two years of ideas, and an entire additional year of fear to get over it, and paint that kitchen. Yep. That’s three years of listening to unimportant nonsense before I dipped the brush and took the dive.
What was I worried about? The future owners of our home. What if someone didn’t purchase it because they didn’t like it? What if painting our cabinets “de-valued” our house? {cue hyperventilation}
And then I started thinking, what if I died, and never got another kitchen? What if the end of the world was just around the corner and I left with kitchen regrets? It sounds dramatic, but we aren’t really guaranteed tomorrow. Death trumps future buyers, and I would like to know that I enjoyed myself with my family while I had it, my last ever kitchen. My only regret: not doing it three years sooner. If anything, it makes our house a real home, just for us.
It was about a week after that, before I tackled the laundry room, and thus began the domino effect of changing over what I always felt kinda “meh” about. I’m in the process of doing three rooms, now. It’s a lot of work, and thinking, and projects and chaos, but in the end, its all worth it.
Now I’m on a mission, and we’ve never been happier in our home.
3. Make it.
If you can’t afford it, if you can’t find it because you saw it in some hoity toity fancy shmancy article… make it. Even if you can afford it, make it. Sometimes out of imitation arise the best creations. If you don’t have the capabilities of making it, be resourceful and savvy to go for what you want. I found a welder to make our coffee table. And an upholsterer to redo a stellar Duncan Phyfe. If you don’t have the funds to hire out, you have your mad skillz. Trade, beg, and borrow. If it’s something you feel passionate about, you can find a way to make it happen. Whether its curtains sewn for the perfect space, a handmade coffee table, or that piece of forgotten furniture instantly spruced with a fresh coat of paint…
Just go for it.
With the handmade option, unique details which truly make a house a home are created and in turn, a beautiful abode for your family. Gone are the days of to-the-trade only. With books like undecorate, blogs like Ana White, and never ending inspiration at the touch of a finger, people are thinking outside the Pottery Barn box. It’s a handmade revolution, and it only continues to grow. If we want a truly unique home, its a wonderful option to embrace.
Those are three basic guidelines that I find myself sticking to daily, and reminding others that “the rules” circa 1993 no longer apply to their spaces. Forget your inhibitions, and do what you love in your own home. Be a rebel and don’t worry…because it really is all going to be amazing.
Go for it.
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Yes! Preach it sista! You have to trust yourself and just go for it. You have to be willing to take risks and believe that if you hate it, you DO have the power to deal with it, solve it, and/or change it. You CAN decorate and do it well and adore the home you live in! It can happen starting today. Go forth, be brave, and make something beautiful!
Ciji says
Kinda late on a comment here but…. Ashely I’m living in h-e- double hockey sticks for a girl that wants to soooo bad be a DIYer decorator. My side of the family changes their house all the time, really all the time! From paint to furniture to tile to I’m just gonna redo all the bathrooms. Me, I’ve never painted a room in my life because of the FEAR OF WHAT IFS!!!!!!! I bought $40 in paint, 2 1/2 years ago, an still have yet to use it. Some of my issues come from my boyfriends mother (I say boyfriend an some may think I’ve been dating for a few years and she will stop, try 12 years together and shes yet to stop) Example: We (boyfriend and I) want a set of dishes, we are so tired of having ramdom dishies!!! Told his mom we were thinking about spending $30 on a set of dishes. Her reply “Nooooooo….. I have tons, if you brake a bowl just come get a dish from me!”….. this was last week! I’m 29 an have always hated my living quarters, but have never changed any of it! However!! I feel like this post is my baby steps to a new, happy, loved, home!!! Thank you!!!!!!! ( I’m gonna go read it again and again tomorrow, This post is gonna stick!!)
Ciji says
Crap! I spelt your name wrong!! Sorry Ashley!!!
paige says
we moved into this awesome old house recently, and all the oak trim is not only intact, but the previous owners spent 20+ years restoring the place and even stripping and restaining all the wood…and…
i hate it. i so want to bust out the off-the-shelf-semigloss-white (or, if we’re living in dreamland, the hired muscle-y painter who will bust out the paint for me) and GO TO TOWN.
but there’s my parents. and the fact that the previous owners live right around the corner and like to stop by. and all the internet snarks who are all, you’ll burn in hell if you even THINK of touching the trim you paid hundredsK for.
and the funny thing is my husband is all like, ‘if you don’t paint this stuff yourself, i’m going to do it while you’re asleep and then tell your mom you did it.’ which is to say, he’s on board with painting it. and it’s OUR HOUSE FOR PETE’S SAKE.
but i just can’t shake the horror of thinking, what if the previous owners stop by and hate our guts? what if Internet Troll hears about it and, i don’t know, shuts down my facebook in retaliation? what if my mom sues for custody of our kids because we’re providing an inhabitable environment for our kids and obviously we’re morally defunct to boot?
@whoever suggested the people-pleaser A.A. group: get it started and i will be a loyal member.
Wren says
I’ve been loving this series, but this has definitely been my favorite post so far! Which is funny, ’cause I linked over here from The Handmade Home in the first place. I feel so inspired and confident now, thanks!
Beardog says
It is amazing how easily we can be persuaded that playing safe is best…the resale value of a property is always at the forefront of my husband’s mind. But at the end of the day it is your home and any potential vendor will in due course make their purchase ‘their’ home…so why worry??
Lovely , friendly and ‘spot on’ blog.
Jill @ Craft in Northern Town says
Awesome. Perfectly put. Thanks for inspiring me!
Crystal says
Love this motto and words of wisdom! I completely agree that it’s a handmade generation busting through, and I support it always {both by making/selling and buying handmade}! The one thing that really sunk in was letting go of the hypothetical “new owners” of MY house! I’m constantly telling my husband that our house is “designed to sell”, so I pinch pennies and sometimes only do updates that are value adds. Why?! I LOVE to decorate! I LOVE to design and get my hands dirty, so I’m going to keep at it, but I’m going to do more for US and not freak out about adding that vinyl decal above my son’s crib!
sarah says
wow!
inspirational 🙂
nest of posies says
love love love this series, beth!
ashley…girlfriend, preach on! i’m singing your praises from the choir as loud as i can.
hugs all the way around to you both!
xoxo
kellie
http://alittleloveaffair.blogspot.com/ says
Wonderful post!! So refreshing!! I feel as if I just woke up in the middle of a meadow and now I am rested and ready to take on anything!! Thank you so much for the insite 🙂
Amanda says
I would LOVE to see pictures of the Duncan Phyfe sofa. We inherited one that is currently covered in forest green cordoroy fabric. I would love to do something spectacular with it since they are not very common anymore.
Ashley @ the handmade home says
hey amanda! replied on my site as well, but stay tuned! I am having it reupholstered as we speak! 😉 should have the entire room finito in about a month or so. SO excited, and I love a good Duncan! 😉
vickie says
You are so right! Do what makes you happy in your home. You are a long time dead is what I always say!
Debbie@refreshrestyle says
Thanks for talking to me! I love this post, and thanks Ashley for reminding me that I don’t need to hesitate anymore!
Debbie
Tracy says
I love this series! Ashley – I have been following your blog for quite some time and love your style. This post screamed at me. I am where you used to be…a little hesitant, not too sure what I wanted. I think I have finally found my style and I just need the kick in the pants to go for it! Pretty sure this post just did that…thank you!
kelly says
Thank you so much for this encouraging post….so great to hear what you’ve been through with so much honesty, including the feelings imposed on us by our loving relatives. Thanks!
Elizabeth@BlueClearSky says
Continuing to love the series. Ashley’s post is very inspiring and her home is so welcoming and pretty. Thanks to you both for sharing.
Christina says
This post= exactly what I needed. I’m in the middle of crocheting an ottoman slipcover to cover a leather ottoman. Why would I do that? Because I have no idea why I bought a $500 cream leather ottoman in the first place. It ain’t me. Bright, crochet- now THAT’s me. Thanks for keeping me on track 🙂
Jodi Gerber says
Congrats Jami for being the winner of a download of ArtisticLetters alphabet photography images! Thanks everyone for leaving great comments. 🙂 Head on over to http://www.BuyAlphabetPhotos.com to take advantage of the sale and freebie damask set – ends tonight.
Vanilla Bean Crafts says
Love this one!!
Jess @ House Sweet Home says
The only words I can say to all of this is Oh. My. Goodness. I absolutely adore this post and want to read it every day as a mantra. Thank you SO MUCH for this beautifully thoughtful post. Really, thank you. On top of all of the inspiring words, you (Ashley) have one of the most gorgeous homes I’ve ever seen! This is my first introduction to your blog, and you better believe I am a new follower and will be reading EVERY DAY. Thank you again.
Beth says
My favorite post in the series from my favorite blogger!! I’m finally learning to do what I love and not what I think others will love. I whipped out the spray paint a few weeks ago and gave my childhood table and chairs a little update with some red, yellow and turquoise and some chalkboard paint for the tabletop; all for my almost 2 year old daughter. My mom said, “you didn’t tell me you were going to do that?!” And I said “beacuase I knew you would discourage me!” And it looks great (she thinks so too)! I’m so happy I stepped out of the box and it’s all because I found your blog! Thanks Ashley from one of your biggest fans!
Ashley @ the handmade home says
oh my word! so kind to say such sweet things! comments like this are what make doing what I do so very worth it. so very proud of you for stepping out and NOT telling your mom til after the fact. HAHA. 😉
Nicole Mullen says
This is just amazing, your house looks stunning and I love that you have done what YOU want and what makes you happy. I recently took the plunge in my own house and it makes such a difference! Thanks for sharing this with us!
Laurie says
You’re in my head with that kitchen redo! I have a dark cabinet-tile-backsplash kitchen that everyone who visits loves. I don’t. The hubster has agreed to a creamy paint with chocolate stain treatment, but I need to just put on my big girl panties, set aside a weekend, and do it! Oh, but first let’s finish the cork floor in the music room… 🙂
Beth @A to Z says
Cork floor in the music room? Awesome!
Anne says
I love you! Thanks for the pep talk, I’m always so hesitant at painting wood furniture – particularly with the man in my life who feels so strongly about NOT painting wood. I’ve been thinking of painting several pieces of furniture lately but held back… now I’m ready!! Cheers!
Ashley @ the handmade home says
I’m blushing. yall are so sweet. thank you. 😉
funky junk interiors says
One of the BEST reads I’ve ever laid eyes on, with incredibly inspiring photos to match.
Brilliant submission! Off to facebook this one.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150273975321141&set=a.192514281140.164586.175378011140&type=1&theater
Donna
http://funkyjunkinteriors.blogspot.com/
Beth @A to Z says
Facebook away girlfriend! I want as many people as possible to be feed by this brilliant post! Yay Ashley!
Sweetsugarbelle says
I.JUST.LOVE.YOU.PERIOD.
Steph @ BirdHouse says
Great post! So inspiring! I feel the same way about our brand-new kitchen that *we* chose, unfortunately (albeit in a hurry in our first experience with home building). Someday, I would love a white kitchen, although I don’t know if it’s in the cards for us.
Candace says
Wow! Nice post…well done!
Stephanie says
Way to go Ashley!!! What an inspiring post! I agree that if you do not love it, where’s the value!
Crystal says
Oh, I think this just might be my favorite thing I’ve read in a LONG time!! It describes me perfectly. Painting precious wood is a no-no in my family and not decorating fru-fru-y is also a no no. As much as I am a people pleaser, I am just now getting the courage to do what I like. Now…I just need to stop being paralyzed and go for it!! Thanks a bunch girls!! 🙂
Crytal
Tiffany says
Yep – people pleaser, southern, oldest…and going back and forth about doing things to my home…been there for sure. This year I decided it was time to start showing some house love…poor girl has been neglected for years. And since we aren’t going anywhere for a while – I have started jumping in on the projects. Yeah…the list is long and seems neverending now that I started looking around – but I can do it! The upcoming project? Um…buh-bye white kitchen cabinets…hello black. Dramatic? Yep. Dark? Yep. Always wanted to do it since we moved in…10+ years ago? Yep. Going for it in the next few weeks…and thrilled about it!!
Beth – love love love the series – I hope the rest are as thrilling and full of information as these 10 have been! You and a few other favorite bloggers have been a major catalist in my thoughts of making big changes in my house…and creating a HOME for my family. Thank you for that little push that I so needed!
Kay Ellison says
Whew hew! I love your attitude and spirit Ashley! And of course your mad decor skills. Now…if I can just get my husband to go out of town for the weekend…presto new bathroom! Anyone’s husband need a cool friend to hang with and talk about welding or building old cars??? Anybody?
K.H. says
I know you say all that stuff all the time on your blog, but having it all in one focused post like this was great! So encouraging and inspiring. 🙂
Laurie@TheBakingBookworm says
I just found out about this series! Amazing and this post is just what I needed to hear. I’m totally stuck in the abyss of “I’m going to wait to decorate bc I’m afraid of screwing it up”. It’s so not fun hangin’ in the abyss. I think I’ll tackle that photo grouping this weekend an get er done!! Thanks!!
Beth @A to Z says
Glad you found out about the series and are joining in! Yay!
Tackle that wall girl,
Beth
Lindsay Lee says
I LOVE that you made it your own! Your home is gorgeous. Where do you all live?? SO MUCH SPACE! We are in So Cal and don’t have that! 🙁 SIGHHH!
Ashley @ the handmade home says
Hey girl. Sweet Home Alabama. I love how space is all relative. Sometimes I feel cramped with all my kids’ toys!
Sharon @ Ms Magpie Designs says
Great post Ashley!! I am getting ready to turn the big 3-4 this year and it took me way more than half of those years to stop listening to everyone else {I think I need to start some type of A.A. for pleasers….I know there are tons more out there}. The point is, I ended up savig time and heartache creating something that I loved to look at. It was such an epiphany for me that I made the mantra on my blog “do what makes you happy, use what you think is beautiful and don’t be afraid to be different”. I’ve been living that for several years and it’s a much better fit.
Thanks for the great post! {And once you come to terms with having a 3 in front of your age, it’s really not so bad…a little plastic surgery to pick up all the damage done by childbearing in those 30+ years would make the blow a little softer for me though…is anyone else with me on that?}
Ashley @ the handmade home says
haha yes. a little plastic surgery fund just may be next on my list. I go back and forth about that one, to tell the truth! 😉
Emily says
WOW! ‘People pleaser’ ~ check. ‘Southern’ ~ check. ‘Oldest’ ~ check. Scared out of my wits to decorate because someone may think it looks stupid ~ check!!! What an awesome, freeing, post!!! Just laying in bed last night thinking of all the things I could do to decorate my kitchen, but then talked myself out of it for all the reasons listed above. Love this post!
Ashley @ the handmade home says
oh my word Emily. You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that. Just glad I’m not alone! 😉 hahaha. For lack of a better phrase-I hope you go for it! 😉
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
I adore Ashley and her advice couldn’t be more spot on! Excellent post! 🙂
Ashley @ the handmade home says
back at ya gal! feelings mutual! 😉
Ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe thanks sweet gals. Something I’ve realized as of late, and feel very passionate about! And a very special thank you to Beth for asking me to share. 😉
Beth @A to Z says
I have LOVED hosting this series and today you BROUGHT IT girl! Thank you!
Heidi @ Show Some Decor says
Music to my ears! I’ve been wrestling with my recently reupholstered club chairs, wanting to slipcover them in something much lighter but feeling guilty over the “wasted” donero. You’re so right ~ I just need to GO FOR IT! Great photos and advice, Ashley. And Beth, another homerun in your awesome series!
Thanks, ladies! xo
gina says
WOW! Awesome post. Just what I needed today!!
Shelley says
Ahhh!!! I’m so loving this series! Great, great, great post Ashley 😀