The Power of Hurtful Words: A Commentary on Women’s Relationships in Blogging

Today I received the following comment on an old post of mine, “I’ve just found your… er, blog. It’s more than just a blog, it’s like reading a letter from a friend.”  What a fantastic compliment!  That is always my hope when I post.  I hope you see me as a friend who cares about you and our blogging community!

And sometimes friends need to have heart-to-hearts about difficult issues in their friendship circle, and that is what this post is going to be about.

her mouth speaks from that

I have shared with you many, many times that I often speak without thinking.  Recently I was sharing with some friends on Twitter about a silly blog post I published my first year of blogging.  One friend asked, “Did you have second thoughts about it before you published?” I told her that I typically only have first thoughts….I am still working on having second ones! And although I pride myself for this blunt honesty and authenticity of mine, I am also aware of the power our words have on others.  We possess an amazing power to uplift, encourage, bless, motivate, strengthen, and even heal others with our words!  What a gift! On the flip side, we also have the power to tear down, hurt, malign, meddle, criticize, and judge.

I am writing this post in response to a collective climate I see brewing across our niche that needs to be addressed.  Recently, I’ve had numerous conversations with bloggers that have been incredibly hurt by readers’ careless comments.  Most of these readers are also fellow bloggers.  Bloggers hurting bloggers?  Not cool.  I am in no way exempt from the drama.  I can be just as petty, jealous, critical, and judgmental as the worst of them.  I’ve thought, said, and acted stupidly more times than I care to admit.  I’ve had to apologize to some of my best blog friends for acting rashly and speaking without thinking.

But I also think I have a gift/curse, called discernment, which led me into the profession of counseling for over a decade….long before creating this blog.  I’m dusting off my counseling hat today and telling you what I see happening in hopes that we can all work harder on doing something about it.

Let’s explore some fictional comments, thoughts, and heart issues of the blogging world.

(Again, this is all fictional.  I’m not talking about myself or any other specific blogger.  I’m using an exaggerated illustration to make a point about what I see happening.)


The Private Thoughts about “That” Blogger:

Sure, I could bake, and cook, and be crafty, and sew, and decorate

 if I had unlimited time and money too. 
She’s not authentic.  No one can have it all together like she pretends to have it.
And now blogging is just a big clique and it’s like high school all over again.  
 
Who does she think she is anyway?
Her blog isn’t even that great now.
Why do so many people follow her?
I so don’t get why people are drawn to her.  
She hasn’t done anything original in eons!
Did you see her latest post?  I’ve seen that done so many times elsewhere.  
All she does is cut and paste other people’s ideas; anyone can do that.
Please, if I photoshopped all of my pictures I could have a house that looked like that too.  
I bet her house isn’t even real.
I bet she buys things she can’t afford just to blog about them.  
I bet she has handymen do projects for her and just takes pictures of herself holding tools.
I bet her husband does all the work and she pretends it’s her.  
 
I bet her children feel stifled in that clean museum of a house.
And now an e-book?
Why would I want to buy an e-book when I can just get her ideas for free?
She’s a sell-out.  
Now it’s all about the ads and giveaways and money.
She doesn’t care about anything but making money and getting site views.  
She’s not even that talented!
There are so many other bloggers who have way more talent than her.
I bet they live beyond their means.
Do you notice that she rarely shares stories about her family?
I bet she doesn’t have time for them anymore.
She neglects her children.
I bet her kids sit in front of the TV all day while she pretends to be Supermom.  
She thinks she’s better than all of us.
Who knows what goes on behind all that paint and hot glue?  
Do you see that she’s always online?   
 
Must be nice to have that kind of time.  
I don’t know how she does it all, but it can’t be good for her family.

The Actual Words Said to “That” Blogger: 

Wow, when you said you were going to do this project I was really skeptical that it would end up looking good!
You did such a great job; however I would have done blank and blank.
You are off to a fantastic start!  So many great elements here but perhaps you should  blank, blank, and blank.  Get rid of blank and buy a blank.
 I don’t mean to be rude but…(now I will post a rude comment).
I’m sorry (no I’m not) is it just me or (rude comment follows).
I am a professional designer and what you’ve done here is nice however (now I need to tear you down and prove to you and all your readers that I know better because it just doesn’t make sense to me that all these people are following your advice and loving your blog when you don’t have my years of training and expertise.)

You are obviously very proud of the work you’ve done on this project!  Good for you for being proud of yourself on your cute and simple project! (I sound sweet. My words are positive, but really I’m totally patronizing and passive aggressive.)

The Issues of the Heart: 

I am creative and capable.  Why don’t all these people validate and follow me?
I want to be loved and appreciated like she is.
I want to feel part of the “in” crowd.
I want to go to Blissdom and be in all the pictures.
I want to have her talent.
I want to be able to do it all too.
I want to know her better and have her like me.
I want her to realize that I am her equal.
I want to understand how she is able to get it all done.
I want what she has.
I want her to be like she was before others’ found out about her.
Before she was “big” she was more mine.
I want her to see me.
I want her to share more of herself and be more real.
I want her to realize that I am here.
I want to be liked, and valued, and praised for my accomplishments too.
I want her to recognize that I am powerful.
I want to be known.
Loved.
Accepted.
Validated.
Satisfied.
Important.

…………………………………………………………………….

I fully believe that hurting people hurt people.  All of us have junk that gets triggered when we operate in relationship to one another.  However, most of us do not have the humility or insight into our own awful junk to admit the heart issues that drive us.  Our pride and self-righteousness rear their ugly heads and we justify to ourselves, “I’m not jealous! I’m not hurt!  I just question why so-and-so does ______.”  I challenge you to dig in deep.  Really?  There is no longing in your heart that says, “Man, I wish I _______…..”  There is no desire to have what she appears to have?  There is no jealousy driving some thoughts that lead to spoken words and gossip?  There is no spirit of competition that lead to negative thoughts?  There is no unmet need in yourself that is leading to your judgement and criticism?

I love our blogging community.  I love my fellow bloggers and am inspired hourly by the creations of others.  I love this hobby of mine that has become a very necessary part-time job.  And I love that you take precious time out of your day to leave comment gifts all over the blogosphere!  I am calling on you to ensure our blogging community continues to be a positive place.  I am calling on you to use your words to uplift, encourage, bless, motivate, strengthen, and even heal!  I am calling on you to be a blessing in the lives of others!

Now go forth and totally make someone’s day!


Comments

  1. Carly says

    BEAUTIFULLY written… advice I really needed today (a sort of bitter pill to swallow, haha!) You're wonderful Beth! I love your blog and have found so much inspiration here. Thanks! :)

  2. Amelia says

    My theory for comments to others blogs:

    If you can't say anything nice…don't say anything.

    I am glad to see you address this problem of what seems to be petty jealousy.

  3. alimoll says

    Fabulous fabulous fabulous Beth! I am so glad you posted this! While I have been blogging for years, I took a 2 year break and just recently got back into it, and have tried to go a different direction with my blog, so I feel like I am a newbie again. I have heard about quite a few of my blogging heroes getting nasty troll comments lately, and some that are goig through a particularly rough time…and it breaks my heart! It is so unnecessary and hurtful. Thanks again for posting this and for having such a great blog to read! HUGS!

  4. Megan @ Button, Bows, and a Baby says

    This was amazing to read. I am a relatively new blogger and new blog reader.

    I'm twenty one years old, married, and have a husband that was unemployed for about six of the last 12 months, so I spend a lot of time saving up and lusting after ideas that other bloggers are working on.

    Your post really reminds me that no one is perfect and everyone has feelings and emotions underneath all the type and photos. I think it's easy to forget that on the other side of the cyber world there is a real woman trying to juggle the real world just like me.

    Thank you for putting it all out there and being honest and telling it like it is. I'm linking to this on my blog in hope that someone else will get a little ray of sunshine from it :)

  5. Melissa Miller says

    Beth I'm going to have to read your post a few times. Great words. We should all share positive energy daily. That is what blogging is about to me. I've enjoyed every moment of my blog experience with very few exceptions. Thank goodness. :)

  6. Angie@Echoes of Laughter says

    Really terrific post Beth! You brought up such a timely issue. Unfortunately, this does not only happen in the blogging world..it happens in real life everyday. I see it in the scrapbooking world, at children's sporting events, cliques and groups behind school council groups…everywhere. At the end of the day…I just try to step away from it all and try not to contribute to the negativity and pettiness. I always try to be positive and I try to give and receive positive energy to the people around me. It's a daily effort because we are not perfect and we all have bad days.
    Anyway, I just want to say that this is a post that will stay with me and I will think about all the things that you have said!! THANK YOU!! Angie xo

  7. Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality says

    Bravo, friend! This is so well written & really speaks to a lot of the negativity that we have all seen out there. I get my fair share of nasty comments that just plain tear down & hurt. This is a great reminder of what the blogging world should be about. Love it!

  8. Daintry says

    Well written. Unfortunatly as women, we have a long way to go before we don't think and say those things. :( It's rather sad.

    I am pretty crafty and handy with stuff, but the comments that I have heard over the years, have done a number on how I feel about the things I do. I am not willing to tell someone that I made something because of the negative comments that are so thinly disguised as "nice ones". Or I am quick to find a fault in myself, almost to justify being good at something else.

    I hope your message spreads, life is way to short to be ugly to others, just because we ourselves might feel we are not adequate enough. We ALL have talents, some are just different than others.

  9. Brittany Lynn says

    That is a great post. I have noticed in every blog I follow, there is some post about some commenter who said something hurtful. And the blogger usually says, "It didn't hurt my feelings, it just makes me laugh." But that means, "It hurt. A lot." I thought I was exempt from all that drama (mainly because I only have a few followers on my family-updates blog), but I recently got all my hair cut and someone on Facebook told me it looked terrible. Then a friend told that person they were being rude…and the original offender removed and blocked ME as a friend!! It hurt tremendously. I am good friends with other members of her family, and I told them what happened and used the same line, "It just made me laugh." But it hurt. I still don't know how to resolve it, but I haven't posted about it because I would hate for her to read it and see how it affected me, or have her read it and make the mistake of saying something equally hurtful towards her. I suppose I should be the bigger person and just be nice. It's harder when you have to see the person in real life. In the blogging world, it's easy to be rude because you never have to see that person again.

  10. Rebekah★All Thingz Related★ says

    Very well said, Beth. We are all unique. We have different styles and we like different things. Just because we may not love what someone has made doesn't mean we aren't capable of finding beauty behind the piece.
    I always try to leave friendly, uplifting comments. Sometimes it is difficult to really express what I mean with words. And unless the blogger knows me personally, it's hard to show my true personality behind those words. I am one to read, re-read and re-read before I post a comment because I don't want any negativity coming through with my words.
    Thank you for this post, Beth. Again, well said ;)

  11. The Girl Creative says

    I'm glad you went ahead and posted this. You said so many things that I know a lot of us have felt or have needed to hear so thanks for that. :) Hope you have a great week!! xoxo

  12. Vicky @ Pearl District says

    This is sooo touching! I did not know there were issues like that! Thank you Beth! Such a great post! It teaches us to be better bloggers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

    Blessings!

    xoxo

  13. Madigan at madiganmade says

    Wonderful points, Beth. It is easy to get caught up in comparisons… especially on the internet with women you might not be interacting with face to face. But at the end of the day, just 'be nice' is always the best philosophy.
    Thanks for sharing these great reminders.

  14. Lyndsey says

    This is so true!! I had a very rude comment posted on my blog by an anonymous blogger- which hurt even more then someone with a name. It hurt that this person would not even give me the courtesy of an option to fight back.. so I wrote a whole post to this person. I wrote then deleted.. then wrote then read it to my mom lol then just decided I was going to be honest and just post what I was thinking!! I did and I got such good feedback from those people that actually enjoy blog!! I had a pity party then cleaned up and moved on :)
    Thanks for posting this– it is a serious issue that needs to be addressed!!!

  15. Pam says

    So well written. I'm a brand new blogger (about 3 weeks in right now), but have been reading and commenting for a couple of years now. I do always try to remember that if I can't write something nice, don't write anything at all. :)

    Have a great day.
    Pam

  16. Sandi (Meme) says

    Thank you so much for pointing out the "elephant in the room". I have to admit, some of your examples made me think – a lot! Thanks again, and have a blessed week! Sandi

  17. Samma says

    You did a great job of saying what needs to be said and you did most respectfully. I guess I must live in a bubble because I never seem to notice the nasty comments other people leave on blogs and you made me kind of glad I have such a tiny number of followers!!! See, the silver lining in everything! haha I love your blog and I think you are awesome in every way and I will make it my mission to post positive comments everywhere to help offset all the "Nasty Nellie's" out in blogland!

  18. Laura @ The Steen Style says

    This was a fabulous post! I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and not in the 'in' crowd of blogging. How stupid of me! I love using my blog as an escape and creative forum after my 'real' job is finished each day. Thank you!

  19. Leslie @ goodbye, house! HELLO, HOME! says

    Eye-opening post!
    I have never had a rude comment on my blog (not yet, anyway!) and it shocks me to think that anyone would actually say something unbecoming, and then hit the submit button for everyone to read.
    I am sad for all those ladies that are blogging their hearts out and get criticized for it.
    I am sad for all those ladies that are leaving discouraging comments for others.
    Sometimes we are tempted to write things that we would NEVER say in person simply because we are on the other side of the world/screen.
    I pray that I personally, can always be a blessing to anyone who blogs. I know it's a lot of work and I know how much thought and effort goes into making a blog.
    May I NEVER treat anyone any way other than how I want to be treated. Lord, forgive me, if I ever have done this.
    THANK YOU, BETH!
    ANd if I have never told you before, I am blessed, encouraged and thrilled that you use your home making gifts, and then share them with us!!
    HUGS
    ~me

  20. Susie from Bienvenue says

    Well said. I can see myself on both sides of the fence here. When I first started blogging I had all of those feelings (not pretty). I think we all did or do at some point during our blogging journey. In the beginning I about drove my husband crazy. Asking him if I were good enough. I wanted to close down shop so many times. I went to Blissdom and came home feeling like I just couldn't measure up.
    Something happened along the way… I learned that I am loved. I am creative. I am me. I am right where God wants me to be. It doesn't matter how many followers you have or how many comments you recieve. You are right where you need to be.
    Its ok to have those feelings from time to time but its never ok to hurt someone. Ugly comments are just wrong. My bigest fear blogging is saying something hurtful to a fellow blogger and friend. I agree with Beth 100%. Let's love on one another. Love ya'll. Susie~

  21. Kasey says

    I'm so sorry you have had this negativity. It's no fun. I enjoy what you do, who you are, and what you offer to the blog world!!

  22. northwesthospitality.org says

    Wow. Though I haven't experienced this (yet) with bloggers, it carries over to LIFE. You have such a wonderful positive blog. Your intentions are good, pure, and a pebble in the pond of uplifting women everywhere. There is only ONE person's approval you need. I know he would approve with everything you are doing. :-) Keep it up! Sarah

  23. Jen-CraftOManiac says

    Well Said Beth. WELL SAID! this comment you put up is almost to me the rudest, because its like they are mocking you but wanting to still try and sound nice… You are obviously very proud of the work you've done on this project! Good for you for being proud of yourself on your cute and simple project! (I sound sweet. My words are positive, but really I'm totally patronizing and passive aggressive.)
    I have gotten one similar to this, and one that said that looks good but you should try and remove blank and blank because it makes it look to cluttered… Well that person ended up coming back and removing her comment, after so many others loved it and said don't defend yourself.. etc. ANYWAY, I love your honesty and that you shared this post with us this evening. I also will admit that with all the blissdom photos fluttering around bloggy land I was feeling very insecure about myself and my blog as well as feeling like it was very click-ish… and that added to my insecurities. However, I do see so much bloggy love and support. Again, thanks jen p.s. sorry for the novel! winks!

  24. lindsay says

    I love your post. It is all about community!! I haven't had any 'rude' comments yet {thankfully}, but have had people 'borrow' stuff and never link me. I hope that everyone gets inspired by reading this post. LOVE IT.
    I too love the community of blogland… it is why I started my first linky party.. http://adesignstory.com/come-celebrate/. I think it is oh so important to always be positive & encouraging to others!

  25. Sister Pickers says

    Seriously, it's a shame you have to spell things out sometimes. I know you feel better and if people don't like something, move on. If you have to spend your negative energy tearing someone down on a blog, you really need to get a life.

    Blessings coming your way, Marie

    http://www.sisterpickers.blogspot.com

  26. arkie says

    Wonderfully written post! I know it has a lot of thought behind it! I love how much you care! I so enjoy reading many blogs and have stopped by a few where feelings have been so hurt by mean spirited comments. Thank you and others like you who are so friendly and kind spirited in your blogging!

  27. Carmen @ Life with Sprinkles on Top says

    Amen! Well said. I will be honest, I have had thoughts like "well it MUST be nice to have such a lovely brand new kitchen" or something along those lines. Then I check myself. :) It is sometimes hard to be going through struggles myself and then see all of these beautiful homes posted. So I just choose to not read for awhile. It's so easy to compare and even get jealous in the blog world. But it's not okay to leave mean comments. When I first found out this was happening, I was so surprised. It's so mean and rude. Thanks for posting this! Hopefully it will get to some of the negative people and make them think before they post something mean.

  28. simple~needs says

    great post. :)
    i agree wih one of the above comments. it is so easy for others to be mean when its someone they dont really know….. its sad really.
    i try to make a point of posting something NICE on every blog in my blog roll at least once a week. sometimes more if they update alot. :)
    everyone needs to feel valued and acknowledegd in life.
    it doesnt matter to me if someone's house is clean, if they do the work, if they have tons of money. to me what matters is the ideas……. the fact that they used their god given brain to be creative and to share those ideas with the rest of us.

    Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  29. HALLELUJAHS says

    Thank you for this post! It's still a little shocking to me to know that folks will take the extra step and the extra moment to comment…just to be a terdy bird. Such a waste of brain power!

    We all have a little something special to share…in our own unique and wonderful way…and it's just such an extra special treat to know that folks are willing and wanting to follow along with our journeys. Thanks again for posting this! Love your blog!

    Blessings to you…and Happy Valentine's Day!
    Holly
    http://hallelujahsbyholly.blogspot.com

  30. Lana K. W. Austin says

    You are so, so, so right! AMEN! & HALLELUJAH!!!

    I haven't received this kind of negativity on my blog since I rarely blog/it's small/new…but…when I was a singer for a living, it amazed me what kind of wrath it drew from people no matter how nice I was/am all the time. I would rather cut off my own arm than be mean to someone and I swear my Grandmother would, as the cliche goes, TRULY ROLL IN HEAVEN if I was negative/nasty/not thoughtful and caring and Christ-like.

    We ALL have feelings of jealousy about something or someone at some time. That's human.

    The key, and this is integral to all facets of life and indicative of true maturity, is to show PERSONAL DISCERNMENT and investigate within ourselves what the negative catalyst is for such a negative response.

    I believe that people who are mean are inherently hurting and if that hurt was addressed, so much healing would take place that they'd never need to be mean ever again.

    I know I'm naive and overly idealistic, but this is something I pray about all the time.

    Especially with women. I'd rather have someone come up and physically punch me than be vicious in those "subtle" backhanded ways that you described.

    And anyone who does anything to shine seems to magnetically draw that negativity to them.

    So, I applaud you for not only comprehending this/the underlying reasons, but utilizing your gifts to address it publicly.

    I can only pray and hope that the people who need to hear this will be open to this and it will soften their hearts.

    Life is so incredibly short. Love really can change the world!!

    MANY blessings to you & THANK YOU,
    Lana

  31. Tori says

    thank you for your honesty and wise words. we all need to remember the power of our words, even when we can't see an immediate reaction like we do in a face to face conversation.

  32. Kelli says

    Very well written… I am always in awwe of the work that everyone puts forth and the sweet comments people have left on my little blog. I look to so many ladies as" role models" the type of women and moms I strive to be. The fact that anyone could write such hurtful things is surprising. I know sometimes our typed words can be read differently than we mean them and its something I will definitely be cautious of from now on. I would never want to hurt anyone… I admire you all so much.

  33. Green Door Girl says

    Great commentary, thank you for posting. I have never understood why women are the worst critics of other women (even worse in the mom-world) – granted there are men reading and blogging, but the overwhelming majority are woman in this space. We need to support each other, not drag each other down!

  34. Anna @ Take the Side Street says

    Excellent post! Well thought out, well written… and definitely something that I think women can struggle with (Why don't we feel good enough sometimes? We are awesome! Group hug, haha!)

    The computer and internet are both such valuable tools, but I think lots of people have a hard time remembering that if you wouldn't say it to their face, you probably shouldn't type it either.

    Hugs to you!

  35. Jenny Beth says

    preach on sister!! everything you said is so true!!! and i agree, we should be here to uplift each other!! thanks for sharing this!

  36. Jeannette says

    I know someone who needs to read this cause I don't think it's just for comments to posts but emails as well.

    Someone that I thought was a friend because we are in an online group sent me the nastiest email.It hurt me for days and I told her this.All she could do was just keep being rude.

    Finally I told her that I would have to leave the group and she apologized.The worse part of it is that I stayed but I cant forget.Today even I still want to leave the group we are in.

    I think that it is just easier to be rude then it is to be nice.Especially when they have never met you and they know they never will and with that idea in their head they really don't consider you a friend.

  37. Lemonade Makin' Mama says

    I love that you said "hurting people hurt people"… I have never thought about it like that, but you're completely right. The next time someone hurts me, I'm going to have that gracious reminder tucked into the back of my mind.

  38. Traci says

    This is wonderful post and I especially like the line "hunrting people hurt people". As my children were growing up and someone had said something hurtful to them I would remind them that the comment had more to do with the person who said it than them. You put it much more simply than I ever could.
    Traci

  39. bonita says

    ~ * ♥ * ~

    Speak of powerful words… Thank you for writing this post. I think it addresses a crucial development in blogging.

    Because there are professional bloggers out there and amateurs when we are all completing for an audience it can be pretty hard to keep our tongues in check.

    In the end though, snarky comments and bitchiness will only hurt us more than anyone else.

    Thanks for pointing that out. ^ u ^

    xox,
    bonita of Depict This!
    ~ * ♥ * ~

  40. michelle@somedaycrafts says

    You are spot on about so many things. I am and have been "that" blogger too many times. Thankfully, I usually only think those thoughts instead of publishing them. As always Beth, your post makes people think, feel, be human. You are amazing!

  41. Marianne@Songbird says

    Wonderful post! So glad you decided to post it. Like looking in the mirror, I am afraid I have/am guilty of all of them. Trying to curb the green-eyed monster, but can be very hard at times.
    You have serious guts, woman. And I love your outspoken voice!!

  42. Christina says

    This is why I love your blog, the blogging community, and you!! Thank you for a very important message that so many people (including myself) need to hear.

    Would you be OK with me linking to this sometime this week? I think it's very important for everyone to read!!!!

  43. The enchanted home says

    This was a thought provoking very well written piece and interesting too…being new to blogging, less than two months so I consider myself a "newbie"….I have yet to really experience this yet it doesn't and shouldn't surprise me that as in all other realms of human interaction, the very primal emotions of competition and jealousy find a place…sad but true. I think if someone is feeling the need to knock someone down it is because what that person is doing is drawing attention to an obvious flaw or inferiority within tht person doing the criticizing. We are all vulnerable on some level but the written word can sting more than a verbal assault…..mostly because it is there for us to see over and over and it makes us flinch each time we see it….thank you for this delicate and well written post that the old adage, "if you don't have nice something to say, then don't write/say it
    applies not only to everyday life but to the blog world as well. Well done!

  44. Jess @ Frugal with a Flourish says

    Great post – and wonderful examples to bring the message home. You hit the nail on the head with this one!!

  45. melissa * 320 Sycamore says

    Love these words, Beth! You are so right…when it all comes down to it, we as women are always asking inside: "am I enough??" And there are some days honestly I can't read blogs because those ugly feelings begin to rear when my spiritual and emotional tank isn't full. We are all so much more alike than we are different…
    Happy Valentines Day! :)

  46. Finding Home says

    Beth,

    Thanks so much for such a great post Beth! I guess I was a little unaware that it was such a problem. Most of my weird comments are SPAM and we all know what those are about (umentionables!)!

    I have always believed, in line with what you said, that bad behavior almost always starts from insecurities. To the best of my knowledge I have never written an unkind comment. However, the reality is we ALL have insecurities. I will approach my comments with a much more critical eye so that my insecurities don't unintentionally sneak in.

    Thanks so much for the insight – I see that you must of been very / are successful in your counseling career.

    Take care,
    Laura

  47. Finding Home says

    Beth,

    Thanks so much for such a great post Beth! I guess I was a little unaware that it was such a problem. Most of my weird comments are SPAM and we all know what those are about (umentionables!)!

    I have always believed, in line with what you said, that bad behavior almost always starts from insecurities. To the best of my knowledge I have never written an unkind comment. However, the reality is we ALL have insecurities. I will approach my comments with a much more critical eye so that my insecurities don't unintentionally sneak in.

    Thanks so much for the insight – I see that you must of been very / are successful in your counseling career.

    Take care,
    Laura

  48. Finding Home says

    Beth,

    Thanks so much for such a great post Beth! I guess I was a little unaware that it was such a problem. Most of my weird comments are SPAM and we all know what those are about (umentionables!)!

    I have always believed, in line with what you said, that bad behavior almost always starts from insecurities. To the best of my knowledge I have never written an unkind comment. However, the reality is we ALL have insecurities. I will approach my comments with a much more critical eye so that my insecurities don't unintentionally sneak in.

    Thanks so much for the insight – I see that you must of been very / are successful in your counseling career.

    Take care,
    Laura

  49. Randi says

    Great post. I'm always shocked when I read negative comments on blogs … I just can't imagine why someone feels the need to say anything like that.

    I think your post relates to the life of women in general – not just in blogging terms. Women are so prone to tear each other up when we should be egging each other on – as mothers, as wives, as friends.

    Thanks for such great words.

  50. Kim @ Cheap Chic Home says

    Mercifully, I've seen very few negative comments. Okay, I admit it, I've had some of those not-so-gracious thoughts :(. I would imagine we all have our individual insecurities that need to be managed from time to time. And, for the record, I would LOVE to have been in the Blissdom photos–fortunately I was doing something I like even better that weekend! Hugs, Kim

  51. Librarian Amy says

    This is a very moving post – thank you for writing it. I'm new to the whole idea of "Blissdom" but seeing this was just heartwarming to hear.

    What's the line about you should "be kind, because everyone is working through something"? I think that is just a good idea for civil interaction in both personal life and online. No one knows what other people are struggling with, so we should just BE KIND.

  52. Dayka (Life +Style) says

    such a great post and so true! i have to admit, i may have said i "didn't think something would turn out that well in the beginning" on someone's blog, but i always saw it as a compliment because it's said in the context of, "didn't think it would look that great, but it looks AMAZING!". i appreciate you making me think about the ways in which this could be interpreted as something different…

  53. boosted98mitsu says

    More people should live by your words Beth! Not only in Blog Land but in everyday life as well! I would love to start my own DIY blog but haven't and probably won't because I don't want to put myself out there for these same reasons. Bravo, Beth!

  54. Karen At Home says

    Wow, what a great post. I think we all need to be reminded of this. We are all bloggers and all love positive comments, so why can't we all do the same for each other?

    Love the blog, keep up the great work!

    Karen

  55. CalypsoInTheCountry says

    Great post! Sometimes we all feel vulnerable when we put our thoughts and ideas out there for the world to see. It is a shame that we all can't just be supportive of eachother and enjoy what everyone else has to offer! This is a great reminder for us all to think about how we comment!
    Shelley

  56. JHill says

    This post said a lot of what I have been thinking lately about the craft blogging community. If I see another comment or tweet about such and such a style of decorating or crafting being "soooooo last year," I am going to hurl my laptop across the room.

    Let's have some perspective, please. We aren't creating vaccines or feeding the impoverished. We are decorating our homes. And if a blogger wants to decorate her home in avocado green and harvest gold accented with country geese, who are we to judge?

    Women too frequently turn to cliques and cattiness when we are in large groups… not an attractive quality. I really hope we can continue to be a supportive and caring community instead. Women are good at that too. :D

  57. Amanda @ Serenity Now says

    I don't know if this is the post your hubs wasn't sure about you posting, but I think it's great. Hurtful comments can ruin an entire day. I once had someone leave me a comment to let me know I am fat b/c they didn't like my political opinions. It made me so upset that it was all I could think about for the rest of the day. I think some readers/bloggers/people say and write things without thinking of how it will really make the other person feel. It's been a year or so since that ugly comment, but it still makes me feel bad. :(

  58. Richella says

    I would be the one who is guilty of always leaving a positive comment, but sometimes that's just a way to hide the jealousy or insecurity in my own heart.

    For years my life rocked along fairly well–overall pretty positive and happy. Then it all went to hell in a handbasket. The hell seemed unfair; it seemed misplaced. How could I have deserved it?

    I am starting to realize that what I actually deserve is all the "bad" that happens in my life. The good stuff is totally a gift from God, and I don't deserve any of it. I like to tell myself that I deserve the good stuff, but that's not really true.

    Thank you for being brave to ask us all to strip away the masks and consider what we're saying. Authenticity is easy to talk about, but you're taking it to a deeper level here, and that level is hard. I won't say "I loved this post!" because I I didn't love it–it was really hard to read. But I will say I NEEDED this post, and I thank you for writing it.

  59. Kim @ Savvy Southern Style says

    Great message, Beth. I had a comment completely taken wrong a while back and this person went so far to quit following me and asked me to do the same. I had immediately emailed her back and said she misunderstood my comment and that I would never deliberately hurt some one. We have to remember that when we are saying things in type that it may come out differently than the way we meant it since they can't hear our tone or see our facial expressions!

  60. fairfieldhousenj.com says

    Perfect timing for a beautifully written post. I agree with Suzie, everyone should read this. I've never had a 'bad' comment but find it just as hurtful when someone is clearly using your blog to promote themselves and didn't even read the post.

    Your Friend,
    Deborah

  61. Stefanie says

    Wow, this was a really good post. I've been thinking about starting a blog but have hesistated when I saw some of the comments left on different blogs. I am amazed and inspired by all the talent I see on these blogs. You ladies are truly the real deal. Keep up the good work and I really enjoy reading your blog because you are Real!

  62. Leanne says

    Thanks for this perfectly written post, Beth. I hope we can all show more love and support for each other today and everyday. Have a wonderful Valetine's day!

  63. Meadowlark says

    Fascinating.

    I don't like rude comments any more than the next person, BUT (there's that word! ) if all of my comments are just a big love-fest I find that a bit useless as well.

    Not that I have a a decorating blog, but on my old one when I would try a craft or knit a project, I wanted real feedback not 200 (ok, 10 comments) versions of "ohmigosh this is amazing". Seriously? EVERYONE thinks my work is amazing? Hardly. I've seen my work. :)

    OK… just throwing that out there. I always have to brace myself with comments like these because it's not unusual for the entire pack to turn an attack me. :)

  64. rindercella @ neatheringourfest says

    Beth you are a woman with a heart of gold. Every word in your post is a demon I deal with on a daily basis – how much I admire your (and other) blog can quickly turn its ugly head and say "GAH why does she get all the attention when I do the same things and get none!" I have never (to my knowledge) made an ugly comment to anyone about what they do and I don't see how anyone could regardless of pent up jealousy or immaturity. I admire the women in these blogging communities so much and think that we should really be lifting each other up every minute of every day. Thank you for addressing this terrible fact of the blogosphere and bringing to my attention that maybe I should think more before I speak. I would hate to know that I have ever hurt yours or anyone elses feelings with something I said or did.
    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

  65. My Greenbrae Cottage says

    What a fantastic post. Why do we women do this to ourselves? And even when we recognize it, we just can't stop. Thanks for bringing it to the front of my consciousness today. Happy Valentine's Day!!!

  66. Mom to Many says

    At the bottom of my blog I wrote the words, "Blog Friendly." It is my goal.
    All of us a have a day where we feel whiny or like kicking the dog (don't have a dog realyy, but you know…) and it is important that we remember to think before we hit send. Sometimes we don't and we have to say I am sorry. We have all done it. Oops. And in the blogging community I can't bring you a plate of cookies and stand in your kitchen for half an hour chatting…
    It's hard to have people say things that are not nice about our creations.
    I know for me my creations will never grace a magazine page or make a designer happy, but my family lives in this house that I am making a home out of.
    They are what is important after all. And as for the Museum thing… We all know that we scrub and arrange for pictures. Everyone has dirty socks on the bathroom floor from time to time and worse. :o)
    ((hugs))
    Let's all try to blog friendly.

  67. Sarah, Three Boys says

    Such a great post! I so far have not experienced this in blog land but I have a tiny blog:) I do however write the occasional home and garden article in our local paper and have found the comments there to be unbelievably rude and unkind. So much so that I have decided not to write them anymore. Seriously someone went on and on about how I shouldn't have painted my cabinets white. Used the words lazy, should have called my real-estate agent before, I just depreciated the value of my house, etc…" This was just one article. I also know very well the feeling of judging someone else. I have discovered it really comes from a place of wanting what they have and feeling like I can't have it. So instead of staying in that negative place I stop and re-think. I love all that she has done, how can I be more like that? Which leads me to kindness. Just that discovery has totally changed my outlook! THANK YOU for so wonderfully discussing a topic that pertains to all of us!!

  68. Brooke @ www.allthingsthrifty.com says

    I have experienced EXACTLY what you are talking about in your post. When I get those hurtful comments it can ruin my day. I read your post and couldn't help but feel a strong connection to your words. Thank you for your time and talent, and again thank you for this post.

  69. Grace says

    Great post, Beth. Loved your insight and honesty! Hope that you're having a very encouraging day…and a great Valentine's Day! ;)

    Blessings, Grace

  70. Courtney @ Scraps and Scribbles says

    What an inspiring post, Beth! Your blog always makes me smile. This so needed to be said. Cyber bullying takes places all too often these days and I agree that it needs to stop. We should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down. It's not a competition but a way to connect with people we wouldn't otherwise know. I love my blogging friends and am grateful for their sweet comments and support. Thank you for having the courage to say what so many of us are thinking. Well said, Beth!

  71. Pattie says

    Way to go Beth….This is why I left RMS because of ladies like this. I can remember when I started my blog I had emailed you and you wrote back and gave me great tips and so very happy you did. I love your blog and can we just say JEALOUS… You can't help it that your talented… Thank you for writing this post. Now lets hope she or they read it, But you know people like this never change…

    Happy Valentine's Day to you and your.

    ~~Pattie~~

  72. susan says

    Great post, Beth! My mother used to say that others only say ugly things because it makes them feel better about themselves. She was a smart woman. If we could only be more supporitve, giving and sharing-their is more that enough room for all of our ideas!

  73. The Jongejans says

    You know, I actually stopped reading some blogs because the writers were so snarky, then I stopped reading others because the readers were even worse. Its wonderful to know there are women out there that spend their free time helping others (like me) to improve our lives – I can't imagine tearing someone down just because you feel (inadequate,uncreative, superior, etc). Thanks for a well written article. I truly appreciate you and all the other wonderful ladies out there in the blogosphere whom I follow.

  74. Amy says

    Amen! Thank you so much for posting this, Beth! Great words and well written. Isn't that what the blogging community is all about? Uplifing and praising one another? I've had my blog for a couple years but just created a new one and started keeping up with it a little more and this is one thing I am very afraid of. I am afraid of THAT commenter bringing me down. I hope many people see this post and reflect on it. Thanks for sharing!

  75. - Brittany says

    Beth,

    You did such a great job writing this post. Thank you for speaking the words that need to be spoken and for doing it for all the other bloggers out there.

    By the way, I have a confession to make. This is me:
    "I bet she has handymen do projects for her and just takes pictures of herself holding tools.

    I bet her husband does all the work and she pretends it's her. "

    LOL, just kidding, but I had a good laugh at that.

    Brittany
    http://www.prettyhandygirl.com

  76. Emily [On the V Side] says

    I don't have anything more to add other than what you or these fine women above have already posted. Just wanted to give you a :::high five:::

    Right on.

    Emily

  77. Jennifer says

    I think it's important to try to remember the face-to-face rule: if you were in someone's home, and they pointed out a craft, and you didn't like it, what would you say? Would you say "oh, that's nice!"? Would you find something you did like about it (I like the color!")? Would you say "I don't really like it" or "you should do this differently" or "you spelled that word wrong"? Whatever you'd say in real life, that's what you should say online. And for the record, if you'd say rude stuff in real life, then you're a douche. Don't do that either.

    Just say something nice, or heck, don't say anything at all. Just don't be That Guy about it. I'd rather get no comments than comments saying that my project is old news or that it blows.

    Some of us keep really clean homes, some of us are super awesome crafters, some of us have the cutest kids who pose nicely for photo shoots, some of us can sew really well, some of us have great cameras and can take awesome pictures, some of us are really charismatic and grow our blogs quickly. Everyone is good at something, but you don't have to be as good as everyone else at anything. I'm not any of those things above, but I'm pretty good at finding cute stuff, so my blog is about the cute stuff I find. I'm also good at my xbox, so I do that a lot. Not a good cook, so I don't invent recipes. See where I'm going with this?

    Beth, you're always so sweet. Thanks for stayin' away from the haterade, you set a good example for the rest of us :)

  78. PeaceLoveApplesauce says

    I'm thankful that I never get negative comments on my blog. Sorry you have to deal with stuff like that!!

  79. The Domestic Fox says

    Beth – like I told you on FB yesterday – real life is just too full of drama to deal with it on the blogsphere. And can I just say – you accomplished your goal – a post that comes from love. I love it!!

    Blogs that I enjoy reading bring me something besides a fun craft or decorating tip or things to do with my family or recipes. They bring me closer to people that share the same things I like. In the small town where I live, I am not "accepted", only seen as different – being able to come to my favorite places in the blogsphere makes me feel right at home…a place where I belong.

    My blog is very young and my followers are my friends. So far – no negative comments…but I realize that it is always a possibility. I won't kid myself – but I do hope that your words resonate with readers and bloggers…and that we can all remember that behind the blog is a person. A person of flesh and blood – who has feelings and emotions – and may have the perfect life on the blogsphere, but may very well be struggling with more than anyone is aware of.

    Be kind to one another – such a great message on the day of love…

    Tiffany

  80. Jensamom23 says

    Beth, what a well written post. You are such a joy to so many people, both with your projects and your words. Bless you!

  81. CyndiOZone says

    Beth~ Someone once said to me, "With great talent comes great responsibility." He was referring to my impatience & frustration with those who I felt like just didn't get it, couldn't keep up with what I was trying to do, couldn't deliver what I could deliver, whatever-the list was long ;-) His counsel to me was about grace. Talent & grace. Two characteristics you have in abundance. Lovely post :-) CyndiO

  82. Carrie Duvall says

    Thanks for posting this. When I leave a comment for someone, I try to think about every possible way it could be taken before I hit the publish button.

  83. nancydianne says

    I rarely comment on the blogs and almost never read comments of others, so I never realized that this was becoming a problem. Thanks for the great post and opening our eyes to the way words can hurt. Now I'm back to lurkdom and just loving all the blogs I'm following! Nancy

  84. Terry @ La Bella Vie says

    Wow, I just popped in from another blog I was visiting. Seriously, does this kind of stuff really go on? I'm shocked…its a blog not high school and isn't a blog supposed to be about doing whatever our hearts desire might be at the time and does it matter if we have someone's approval?
    I am fairly new to this world of blogging and I have never received an insensitive comment or left one. Am I just in the dark that all this was even going on?
    Having said all that, I do really like your blog…and whatever this "Blissdom" and "RMS" thing is I keep hearing about, I guess I'm glad I'm not part of it…they don't sound like they play well with others:)
    Kindly,
    Terry

  85. Chandeen says

    I'm new to blogging (from the blogging end) so I have not experienced this first hand, but I remember when I submitted a project to another blog and got a negative comment, it hurt. I'm glad you said this, and just like so many people here I agree. We need to support each other.

  86. KateB says

    wonderfully written…I used to have people do that to me (back handed compliments, anonymous mean-spiritied comments) when I was naive to the world of bloggers and had first started blogging.I nipped it in the bud right away by letting folks know publicly that this was MY BLOG, BY ME, FOR ME and Mean Girls weren't allowed LOL…I mean, my personal blog is really for my family and real friends FIRST, then for all my online crafty friends later. IF I go to a blog and don't like a post or a project, I just go on to the next. Inspiration is everywhere and beauty is in the eye of the beholder right? Some of us multitask better than others too so being Super Blogger comes easier :)

  87. Sunny simple life says

    Wonderful post. I can't understand why anyone would want to waste their time in a critical comment. Commenting takes a lot of time, so I only do it when I am really moved or impressed or want to just say hello. Such a waste of energy to be negative.

  88. Stacy says

    i rarely read through comments, even when i make a comment of my own, so was surprised (but not, at the same time) that this was going on. glad you put your counseling hat back on. your exhortation is applicable is many areas of life!

    it's sad that this is going on. i discovered the "home blogging" community a couple years ago and the idea's, encouragment, creativity i have found have totally transformed the look of my home into a place i love. i'm so grateful for all you ladies who put it out there everyday!

  89. SHERRY HART says

    We all just want to beloved and validated in life…There is no need for meanness….and if you don't agree just don't say anything…it is that simple!

  90. Kathleen Frances says

    Just read this today….

    Well said.

    I know I've experienced many of the things you described.

    I can think of one blogger in particular that I've felt a lot of those feelings toward. Mostly the ones about "I want her to see me"….which leads to private criticism….which leads to feeling bad about myself. It's vicious. And who knows, maybe someone out there feels the same thing about me. Blogging can really be an emotional roller coaster huh?!

    I feel like I could hire a therapist to address just these issues alone:)

    I love that you write these heart to heart posts from time to time. It's so cathartic.

  91. Annalea says

    This was a great post . . . thank you so much for making it. I have one question, which I would love to have answered: what suggestions would you have for making comments that ask questions or make suggestions without being threatening or down-putting? I love the back-and-forth of sharing ideas and the sparks that come from reading other bloggers, but I don't want someone to feel bad or hurt. I always try to be cheerful and friendly and phrase things so that the blogger to whom I'm respnding knows that I love what she did, and I want to open a dialogue, or provide fodder for thought and further ideas . . . but with text-based communication, it can be so hit and miss, despite my best efforts.

    Any ideas?

  92. a4a8c284-3941-11e0-bd8d-000bcdcb2996 says

    WOW, so glad I popped in today Dear friend…..powerful !!!

    I have been MIA my MIL passed away and the same day my own Mother had a reaction to meds for shingles….she landed in the hospital and has been living with us for the past month, trying to regain use of her right arm.

    I've missed you and your blog…hope you and your boys are well !!!

    All the best,
    Kathy :)

  93. Fawnda@Fireflies and Jellybeans says

    Beth, you are the big sister in my bloggy world! You share your wisdom and insite and a way that leaves me looking up to you! :)

    Great post… great thoughts!

    Thanks for taking on this important topic!

  94. My Cottage Charm says

    Hey Sweet Beth! :) I think this is my most favorite post you've ever done! I have days where I just want to give up on blogging because I feel like I'll never quite "fit in" or "add up", but I've decided to just be encouraging to other bloggers and not really worry about what anyone thinks. I want to have a postitive blog where people want to come because they know it will be a place where they'll be encouraged and have their spirits lifted. :) Love you girl, thanks for putting it out there and sharing your heart! :)
    Missy

  95. Gigi says

    Thank you for writing this. I think you've written words that we all have felt, or typed, or received. I am dealing right now with a situation like this, where comments have hurt me on a post where I opened myself up and admitted that I often feel "not good enough" to be blogging.

    In the same turn, I've wondered about other bloggers and their popularity or how they spend 24/7 online. I would never comment to someone directly about it, but I've thought those things, no doubt.

    I am trying to learn that humility and restraint are my best friends in all of this. :)

  96. Stephanie says

    I am a beginning crafter and wannabe artist (emphasis on wannabe). I used to look at different projects and just want SO BAD to do what they did. I just sat back and wondered how they did it. I wanted to be them, to know what they know. And so I tried doing what they did. And I was surprised to know that I could do so many things I thought I couldn't do. I learned to stop being jealous of the success and great ideas of other artists and crafters and start admiring and supporting them. I never poo-pooed them, or said ignorant things like "I could think of that!" because I knew I had no ground to stand on, and only a jerk does that. When I copy their projects I always give credit where credit is due and would never do a tutorial without permission from the artist/crafter. You learn how to use other people's great ideas and success to inspire you and keep you going. For example, I follow people I admire on Twitter, deviantArt, tumblr and favorite them on Etsy so I can see what their new ideas are. I buy the stuff I can afford, half to support them and half to figure out how they did it (but most of all because I love what they make)! Sure, sometimes I am still envious of the opportunities people get, or a bit sad I don't get to go to such and such a gallery or art show, but 90% of the time I feel nothing but happiness for them! Most of the time when I send a friendly tweet, I get one back, which makes me even happier for me and for them! I've learned that if you want to be liked and belong, you have to be likable and show you have something to offer. I'll keep working on that second part. :)

    In a related note, I think there is room for constructive criticism, as long as you're not a jerk about it. And sometimes things do need calling out because they are awful. For example, the other day I tweeted that PS: I Made This should not have used pipe cleaners as jewelry findings. I stand by that because just think: if someone wears their hair up, and those big fuzzy things are holding her glamorous earrings together, she is going to look pretty foolish. It's just not good workmanship. LOL, at least tape them together with a matching metal duct tape! I don't believe in trolling, but sometimes crafts aren't done in the best way they could be done, and I think people should be able to discuss that. But no one should ever hate on you if you want to go full-on Martha.

  97. The Decorative Dreamer says

    Very well said! Just like in real life, there will always be someone else who is better at something or more popular, wealthier or more attractive. It is such a shame when we as women feel the need to critize or compete when what we really should be doing is enjoying what others have to offer. I don't have a clue what Blissdom is, thank goodness! I just have a little blog and haven't had any rude comments (atleast that I have caught on to..LOL!) but have sensed the competition out there from others and I really don't like that. I have often felt that I don't measure up. But I keep on keeping on because of a few geniunely sweet women who have supported me all the way! Great post!

  98. Kim says

    I go to blogs for inspiration and to craftlift ideas. There is so much inspiration out there. And if I don't care for something, that's my own personal taste, that's why they make so many different flavors of ice cream. But I'm certainly not going to say anything negative because someone else might love it and it might be perfect for them!!! A lot of time goes into blogging and no one should get negative feedback. That's horrible. "Love thy neighbor."

  99. willzmom says

    Very nice post! I never had many "followers" anyway, but I did have someone that commented "I would love to read your blog but the colors you use hurt my eyes and made it hard for me to read"?!
    I also had someone who took a post I wrote almost word for word in my frustration I removed all my posts.

    I have to admit that I am in awe of the talent on the blogs that I follow, I wouldn't dream of cutting these ladies down! Words have power so let's use them to lift up not tear down!

    Thanks for taking the time to remind us.

  100. Jennifer says

    I love your post today. It is something that I feel happens all the time and not just in the blogging world. I follow several different blogs and I truly appreciate the inspiration you and the others give me on a daily basis. I am a stay at home mom of two boys. I was prepared for many of the challenges I face but I was not prepared for the world of Power Moms as I refer to them. It is very much like high school we are just older and fatter. I am a bit different, I don't have pink hair (although I've thought about it) but I tend to answer questions honestly like how was my day? It was awful, I've learned that you are supposed to just say great and yours? I've drifted a bit, sorry. Just this last week I had a mom come up to me and say she saw I was signed up to help with the science fair and I said that it's not me just another mom with the same name (no lie) and she said I was going to be impressed and I just looked at her and said, "nope nothing to be impressed about". I could go on and on. They are always such passive aggressive comments that is said with a smile and it's just mean enough to hurt your feelings but it is so subtle that you are left wondering if you misinterrupted what they said. Growing up my mom always said, "If you dont have anything nice to say, don't say anything.". And really it is that simple.

  101. Laurie says

    Wow, do people really write such things? It makes me kind of sad for them, I guess they never heard the saying "if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all".

  102. Jenny! says

    seriously though…HOW DO YOU DO IT!!!??? I love seeing this blog and other blogs like it. I always tell myself I have to do stuff like that…I can do it too. I just need this and that and this and this. But then, I "never get around to it"

    So where does it come fro because I DO want to do the things I see on your/other blogs…I know I can. ANd its a great place to start, to see others that can do it and start by doing as they do.

    So speaking from the heart its an ideal life im sure, but I don't think its impossible and I was wondering if its possible for you to share JUST how "you actually get around to it" :)

  103. Tys says

    Late to the party here… but yah, like so many others I thank you for your post.

    Women can be horrible to each other. Horrible. It's downright shameful. To think that ANYONE would think ANY of those things just makes me so sad.

    I've been blogging for over 2 years with just a base of friends & family. Then I started linking up to parties and now have some followers. How exciting, but now I'm scared. I don't know what I'll do if I get negative comments or hurtful ones. It would totally burst my bubble… that's what my blog is… my bubble!

    I've always found you to be so kind. You were one of the first people to EVER respond to a comment I've made on their blog. All of the sudden, I was a person to some else in blogland. Thank you for that.

    I look forward to possible friendship I may make in the future via blogs… but gotta admit, I'm a bit scared too!

    Who needs more hurt in the world?

    Thank you for your post Beth. You've touched so many!

  104. Tricia says

    "When we advance a little in life, we find that the tongues of man create nearly all the mischief of the world." ~ Paxton Hood

  105. Jenny says

    Great post, Beth! I have seen so many negative comments. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!

  106. Christine E-E says

    I've not experienced "blog-bullying" but I know others who have!
    I don't understand why someone would post unkind remarks… what is there to gain in this world of anonymity? why is it necessary to visit someone's world & leave an negative comment… if a person doesn't like a blog posting, don't visit again. pretty simple…
    keep up the great work – Love your blog!
    BTW – what are you caulking?? did I miss reading about this gy-nor-mous project??

  107. Razmataz says

    It can be a fine line between being authentic and frou-fou. I have been asking myself why I even have my comments enabled. I am not sure I like this person I have become who rushes to her email to see what compliments and nice things people have said about my post. Why am I seeking this feedback.? A question I need to answer for myself.

    Thank you for this conversation on your post. I have not seen your blog before, but will follow.

  108. Janell @ Isabella and Max says

    Wow Beth, outstanding post. I missed it and found it when someone mentioned it on my post today…came looking for it. I know I have without intention probably irked someone, and have gotten my fair share of negative comments, I have found this blogging arena to be far more supportive than others, say Apartment Therapy or Rate My Space, where commenting in a rude and mean way often seems to be something people are attempting to raise to yet another level.

    I hope this doesn't happen here. Sometimes I post about something I've purchased and I see my follower count go down, for a split second I'm tempted to worry that someone is having bad feelings about me. Then I stop myself and know I only do what is right for me and my family and if that makes someone else jealous or mad or cause them to longer like me there is not one thing I can do about it and I can't worry about it or give it weight.

    That was a long comment…I could go on. I hope we can all stay supportive and positive, it is a rare place where that can be found on a consistent basis. Put aside our differences and jealousies and hand out support instead.

    Janell

  109. Logan says

    This is the first time I've read your blog…but because of what you just said it won't be the last either. What beautiful words of truth that hold weight in blogging and most importantly in life in general. I'm new at blogging and haven't yet had any hurtful comments on my blog, but can't imagine how much hurtful words from a stranger can cut deep. Thanks for your wisdom and your courage to write it. Well said….truth in kindness often has a way of being that huh?

  110. Debs says

    Hi
    I've been a stalker here for quite sometime but dont usually comment on any blogs that have more than about 10 comments cos i dont know if they get read or not!

    However, I have to say that I totally agree with this post, I don't have a popular blog but I'd love it to be! I have great readership/stats but not commenters, and I've been slammed for that. In turn I would never, ever in my wildest dreams get bitchy/mean or judgemental on those who have a popular blog, to me they are the ones I aspire to yet not in a competitive way but inspirationally.

    So while some are sitting on their witches broomsticks, i'll sit on the phone line with the other unpopular birds and enjoy the view!! :D lol

    Debs

  111. Kathysue says

    Wow!! I think all the nails that hold blogland together have been hit on the head. You tackled every single point so beautifully and you were so articulate!!
    Bottom line is be polite and use good manners.
    As far as our own personal demons, well that is a whole other show!!
    I find for myself,going back to my mission statement that I made before I started my blog helps me keep going in the right direction for me.
    I think we when are not true to ourselves in our own blog writings that is when it just feels off balance.
    I could go on and on, but I really just want to commend you for such a heartfelt post, Thankyou Kathysue

  112. vignette design says

    I love this post. You addressed everything that we bloggers deal with and face. The competition, the passive-aggressive comments, etc. although very rare.
    I read Kat's similar post this morning at Low Tide High Style. It comes down to being nice and supportive. If you disagree or dislike what a blogger is posting, then move on. I had an anonymous person who used a name tell me I was taking an issue too far when in fact it was the other comments who agreed with me passionately about my opinion. I got the wrath instead!
    Other than that, most bloggers are the nicest people and I have met some wonderful people because of my blog.

  113. Gypsy Heart says

    Bravo! Very well written and with all good intentions. I honestly think we all strive for the goodness that can be shared…at least, I hope so. I appreciate your addressing this issue.

    I am so very grateful for all the wonderful peeps I've 'met' via blogging. I often make comments re: their creativity and talent and I always hope they know I am totally sincere. Just play well with others, right? :-)

  114. mama walker says

    i can't believe people actually leave nasty comments. first of all it takes time to read and follow blogs. i am always looking for inspiration not a place to criticize ( a look at my kitchen counter provides that)And its not like oops it just came out of my mouth and now I am trying to take it back; they actually have to type and such. their is a delete button people. not to mention just get a life. read something else, do something else. I can't imagine hurting someone else with such purpose and effort. So sorry that crap goes on. ( Insert face of concern and emapthy) I love ya all!

  115. ⚜ ↁℯℬℬᴵℰ⚜ says

    I am so glad I read this Beth…you spoke it so well. I have had one bad experience in a year. I have had some rude comments, and tend to ignore them..that works best for me. Overall, I love the community, and I LOVE more than anything to uplift and of course be uplifted. It is hard to believe sometimes what I see and read, I just kinda shake my head. As my reality life is filled with positive influences, I only want the same here. I have learned a LOT from so many out here, including you…so thank you and your positive influence. XO

  116. Cindy says

    I can only say that I love blogging and I am committed to a positive approach in everything I say on line. My husband helps me by reading all of my posts and reading all of my comments. I'm really glad for that. Thankfully, I have never had a mean comment yet.
    Thanks for raising this issue. It is true that "Hurting people, hurt people." I have seen it so many times, too. And once again, I love blogging! It is an amazing community and full of wonderful people!
    Hugs, Cindy

  117. The Zhush says

    WOW! Just found you through KathySue, who linked to this very post…amazing! You clearly have a talent for counseling AND design, what a wonderful combination…and the fact that you are all about positive energy makes me really want to just read a whole lot more! Thanks!

  118. Theresa says

    Well said! As a teacher of children, a mother and a blogger…there is nothing more important than helping people think win-win; helping people understand the power of our words; helping others find their strengths and giving encouragement. Your post gave a voice to everyone…those who are reaching out for others to be kinder and those who have been less than kind…perhaps they will see how powerful their words are and use this gift for the positive.
    Thanks for sharing…you've inspired me to write a post of my own!
    Cheers!

  119. Devonay says

    Wow. What a wonderful post. I can't imagine why people think it's ok to leave such negative comments. I really feel for the women that find this sort of thing in their comments. I too believe that we should uplift each other. That is one of the wonderful things I love about blogging. If you can't be nice, you shouldn't be leaving comments.

  120. Karen says

    This is very well said. I'm a new blogger and I started as a way to connect with people who like doing the things that I like and to learn from them and maybe they could learn a thing or two in return. I hope that everyone who blogs will remember what you have said and think twice before assaulting someone's spirit.

  121. Tiffany says

    Wow, this is such an insightful and 'convicting' article. I often have to remind myself when someone says something insensitive or downright rude, it's out of his/her own insecurity…and I also have to remind myself that I do the exact same thing! Thanks for the reminder to be kind and treat others as we'd want to be treated.

  122. Mandi@TidbitsfromtheTremaynes says

    Love LOVE how you cut right through the crap and got to the heart of it all!

    This is something ANYONE can take something out of themselves. *I* can take this for myself, and use it. Thanks a bunch!

  123. ~alicia says

    Well said! I am just joining the blogging world – I have a list I read every day…it brightens my day. I don't know why people have to be negative, I don't understand that. When you blog, you are putting a part of you out there for the world to see…that can be scary. We need to support one another in that…lift each other up.

    Carry on, you're doing a great job!

    ~alicia
    proof-of-love.blogspot.com

  124. ~alicia says

    Well said! I am just joining the blogging world – I have a list I read every day…it brightens my day. I don't know why people have to be negative, I don't understand that. When you blog, you are putting a part of you out there for the world to see…that can be scary. We need to support one another in that…lift each other up.

    Carry on, you're doing a great job!

    ~alicia
    proof-of-love.blogspot.com

  125. ~alicia says

    Well said! I am just joining the blogging world – I have a list I read every day…it brightens my day. I don't know why people have to be negative, I don't understand that. When you blog, you are putting a part of you out there for the world to see…that can be scary. We need to support one another in that…lift each other up.

    Carry on, you're doing a great job!

    ~alicia
    proof-of-love.blogspot.com

  126. ~alicia says

    Well said! I am just joining the blogging world – I have a list I read every day…it brightens my day. I don't know why people have to be negative, I don't understand that. When you blog, you are putting a part of you out there for the world to see…that can be scary. We need to support one another in that…lift each other up.

    Carry on, you're doing a great job!

    ~alicia
    proof-of-love.blogspot.com

  127. ~alicia says

    Well said! I am just joining the blogging world – I have a list I read every day…it brightens my day. I don't know why people have to be negative, I don't understand that. When you blog, you are putting a part of you out there for the world to see…that can be scary. We need to support one another in that…lift each other up.

    Carry on, you're doing a great job!

    ~alicia
    proof-of-love.blogspot.com

  128. ~alicia says

    Well said! I am just joining the blogging world – I have a list I read every day…it brightens my day. I don't know why people have to be negative, I don't understand that. When you blog, you are putting a part of you out there for the world to see…that can be scary. We need to support one another in that…lift each other up.

    Carry on, you're doing a great job!

    ~alicia
    proof-of-love.blogspot.com

  129. Sommer says

    While I believe that much of the things you posted are simply human nature I am greatful you addressed this. It's important to uderstand that though these are normal feelings and we have the right to feel them, jealously and envy don't come from the same place that love and acceptance flourish!

  130. Christina Howe says

    That was such a wonderfully insightful post! This is my first time reading your blog…but I plan to start visting on a regular basis!

  131. Beverly @ FlamingoToes.com says

    Thank you so much for putting this into words! I agree with everything you said. It's hard to remember when you are on the receiving end of the yucky comments that those people are probably hurting too. But it's a nice reminder.
    I'm sharing this post on FB and twitter. :)

  132. * The Design Confidential says

    Thank you for posting this! This is something I preach about here and there on my site and feel is very quickly becoming an increasingly important topic. Blog Land has exploded in size in the short amount of time I have been a blogger. We pour so many hours of the day into our sites, and share so much of our lives with other folks it is IMPOSSIBLE not to associate some level of our value and personal self worth to our blogging success. BUT it is crucial that we use those normal feelings of envy toward something good and do our best not to bring down others and instead to help them feel important just as we want to feel important ourselves. Those positive comments and brief moments of elation we feel when someone says something nice to us, are so easily and done for those around us when we have a second to spare, it takes no time at all to post a sweet and positive comment on someone's site! why not make someones day as often as possible, spread that good karma around and enjoy this place we spend so much time, just a little more!

  133. Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants says

    Beth, you have brought up some great points but I have one to add. I think one issue is the fact that we are writing and are anonymous. I'm not agreeing with it but I know for years moms of teenagers have been concerned about what goes on in text. It is much easier, less accountability to type something that goes out into space than it is to look at someone and say such things. You have me wondering if I have ever been rude to someone, certainly never my intention! I have been blogging for about a year and have really enjoyed it but lately been struggling with how I feel about it. Can't put it into words yet! So I say all of this to say I agree….. play nice people!

  134. AntiqueChase says

    Google ate my comment… I'll try again.

    Very powerful read. Where have I been? I didn't know any of this existed.

  135. AntiqueChase says

    Google ate my comment… I'll try again.

    Very powerful read. Where have I been? I didn't know any of this existed.

  136. [email protected] says

    Just wonderful. And so true. I hope you don't mind if I share this on my facebook.

    Thanks for posting.
    Deb
    http://dejarenew.blogspot.com

  137. Donna says

    Such a needed post. wonderfully written. You nailed it all. Blog land, and the decorating/decor field itself can both make one feel as though they are back in high school. I hope the thoughts in your post are read by all and taken to heart. Thanks so much for taking the the time to care.

  138. Amy Kinser says

    Hey Beth,

    I am so clueless sometimes because I just don't usually see all of the "bad" stuff. Maybe I am being sheltered right now because I don't know that I would deal well with it. It hurts me to see or hear people being ugly with others. There are so many ways to say things that don't have to hurt. You know, we should never compare ourselves with others when we each have our own God given talents. Mine may not be like yours and yours not like mine, but they are all from God.

    Thanks for your honesty and concern.

  139. Donna says

    Wow! Wonderfully written. Blogging and the the decorating/decor field can certainly make one feel as though they are back in high school. It should be about a sisterhood of support, not high school cliques, pitted against each other. You nailed it all right on the head. Thanks so much for inspiring us all and encouraging love, support and friendship in the blogging world.

  140. Dahlene says

    Thanks for this post. I had no idea things like this were being written on other's posts. I've been fortunate to only have positive comments on my blog. I read this from a direct link from one of my friend's blogs. I may have to post a direct link for my friends to see also. Thanks for the great reminder that we need to be kind to others and quit judging.

  141. Kathy Detweiler says

    What jumped out at me was your comment, hurting people hurt people. How very true. We all need to be kinder to each other and to realize we don't know what pain people are going through.

  142. Melly says

    My fellow blogging friend sent me a link to your wee post!
    It has totally made me feel better and also a bit sorry for what I said out load after I received some horrible emails(after I started my own Challenge blog and never picked them for the team)!
    I understand how people can feel hurt and then hurt other in return! We all have to be nicer!
    Thanks for pointing this out!
    Hugs Melly xxx

  143. Jayna Rae says

    Phenomenal post! I can't believe people are so harsh. I too am an open book of opinions, but actually have found solace and self-control via blogging. I feel that God led me here in order to learn to think a second time, which is something that typing a response forces me to do.

  144. anne says

    Well said…and so true! Thank you for the reminder.

    Perhaps this is also a call to all of us who blog that we should share more of our "yucky" stuff. You know, those projects that don't turn-out, the colors that never look right, the messy house, the daily struggles and all of those not-so-pretty moments. I know those are things I often overlook…which means I'm not painting the most accurate picture of my life. It just seems that these "yucky" posts would have the potential to bring us all closer. We would see that our lives are more similar than originally thought.

    Again, thank you for posting this! ;)

  145. Holly @ Roller Coaster Life says

    Wow this goes on!?!!??! I had no idea!!! This is terrible!!!! No one is in high school!!! Whew I am glad to be in my own little world over here in roller coaster land! hahaha

  146. Lisa says

    Hi, Beth! This is a great post :) I’ve been looking at your blog for hours now and I’m making it back to your older posts. Thank you for all the tips and for the thoughtfulness and caring attitude that accompanys your posts! The current how to decorate posts are also a great way for me to check out others in the blogging community :) I hope you keep up the inspirational projects! Take care, Lisa

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