If you have been following me for any amount of time, then you know how much I adore my husband. And seriously, what’s not to adore? Hubby is handsome, brilliant, funny, charming, warm, sensitive, crafty, creative, patient, giving, loving and the list does NOT stop there.
He is a fantastic father and a wonderful friend.
He is in a word. Amazing. You may hear me gush about him and think that we have a fairy-tale marriage.
Well, I guess it depends on the fairy tale you are referring to. If it is one filled with drama, trials, tears, heartbreak, demons, battles, magical helpers, and happy endings, then yes. Oh yes. We do have a fairy tale marriage.
Our marriage and our entire relationship has had many, many trials. In fact almost exactly one year ago to the day, we were in crisis. The kind of crisis where the “d” word seems the only escape from the torment and pain. The word I had vowed would never enter our marital vocabulary was very much being tossed around as a viable option.
Many would have said the “d” word was justified given the circumstances. Many would have said that we never were right for each other from the start. Many would have said it was time to kiss a new frog and find a new prince. Many……
would have been wrong.
I share this with you because I know you can relate. I know that you are not perfect either. I know you too have family secrets. You too have hurts, hang-ups, and dysfunctions. You too have maladaptive coping skills. Ah yes. We are all just beautiful messes in progress. You….like me….are loved perfectly only by our Creator. You….like me….can overcome all hurts, hang-ups, secrets, and dysfunctions through the One who loved us first. You…like me…can learn to forgive just as we are forgiven. You…like me…need God.
My favorite paraphrased quote that encapsulates my views on marriage is as follows: God did not intend marriage for your happiness; he intended it for your holiness. But in pursuing holiness, you will find happiness.
I am truly happy in my marriage. I could not even conceive of that being true a year ago. I owe that happiness to my faith in God and His healing work in our lives. My prayer for you sweet friend, whoever you are…you who are hurting in a relationship and feel no hope…my prayer for you is to allow God to work in your heart…to work in your relationship….to yield your will…and ultimately to restore your fairy tale. It is possible! We are living proof. With God…all things are possible.
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Dani says
Great post so many times people see the outcome of working hard and assume it was always that way as with my husband and I we are happy we are head over heels in love but…it wasn't always that way and probably will have a few dips in the road still to come I am sure that is the best part of marriage once you get through the trials it is better than it was
Jess says
I love that quote- and I think surviving the last year for us has been similarly tough, yet uplifting and revealing. Thanks for sharing.
Kerry Hoke says
I remember where you were last year. I remember praying for you both – even when I didn't know the depth of your struggle. This post is an amazing example of how God desires to redeem and restore what we see as hopeless, a lost cause. Kudos to you both for digging in your heels and doing the hard work necessary to receive the gift you now have together.
Love you!
Lindsey says
This is so beautiful. I am so glad that you work through all your trials and tribulations together. Our country needs more marriages like yours. I am blessed to have a marriage like that too. Neither one of us are perfect, but we work through everything together.
I absolutely love the quote you shared. It reminded me of my aunt's favorite quote – it's kind-of their family's mantra: "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."
sonia says
thank you for keeping it real. so many people want others to think how perfect their lives are when its full of insecurity and untruths. i've only been married for 3 years and i say that if there is no conflict than there is no communication or growth. glad everything worked out for you and your family (especially for the children). thank you for responding to my apothecary question. i love your blog and even more now that i feel you speak to our hearts and mind and don't worry about being "correct" for fear of not speaking your mind and feelings (even about your faith). you go girl!!!!!
nannykim says
Sounds like the book called, When Sinners Say I do! Great post.
Terra Howard says
Wow!!! I love the raw honesty & truth!! Thanks for sharing. I sometimes feel I'm the only one without that "perfect" marriage & instead look out to see fake happy marriages. You rock & so does your post. Preach on I say!!
Carolyn says
Thank-you for sharing. You are such an encouragement.
Anonymous says
Thank you! You don't know how much this post means to me.
Tricia says
Beth, this was so beautifully written. I'm so glad that you both saw your marriage as worth saving. I think too many people don't give Making it Work a chance. Letting it go is often easier.
Thank you for this.
XO*Tricia
Courtney says
great post! And is that from Gary Thomas' "Sacred Marriage"? We, too, were in crisis during the summer of 2008 and we read that book together (among others).. but that one really rocked our world as far as marriage being intended for His glory, not our happiness.
Beth@The Stories of A to Z says
In my "about me" description, I tell you I am honest to a fault. I am. And I also have insecurities just like the rest of us. I published this post with the expectation that it would get few, if any, comments. Thank you for your warm reception of me in all my messed-up-dysfunctional glory. I strive everyday to be as real and transparent with others as appropriate. It can be scary. You have made it feel safe :). Love to you my fellow friends and bloggers and blessings on your marriages and relationships!
Christianne @ Little Page Turners says
Love you!
Anonymous says
I feel like you just gave me a hug.
Thank you- great writing!
Barbara says
Beth, How wonderful that you were able thru God's love, repair your marriage and move on.
I got a divorce after many, many years of marriage, but I tried for a long time before I gave up.
I am remarried and as life goes on, not all is always good, but God is here more than ever to help us work out the little things that get in the way. I am amazed at your insight and courage to post and thank you for doing so.
Hugs,
Barbara
{ L } says
I feel so blessed that you shared this. I can relate quite a bit to even some of the details you said! My husband is also my best friend and I just love him so much BUT we've had trials too.
Thank you for sharing this post! It was all beautifully said. It is refreshing to see fighters for marriage and a healthy, loving relationship.
PS You are GORGEOUS! 🙂
fiberdoodles says
Such a beautiful, heartfelt post! Your words are truly inspiring!!
Jennifer says
Beth, that was a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing it! You are so right! Marriage takes hard work and sometimes can only survive with God's work. I thank God daily for my wonderful husband and for His work in our lives.
Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend says
Thanks for sharing this beautiful post…..Your pictures are great…Visit my holiday blog for new tree pictures and my main blog for a MIRACLE story…
http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com/
http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/
Chris says
Beth, it's like you knew that I needed this post. It brought tears to my eyes wondering what could have brought about the "d" word for you, and yet I was so comforted to know that as much as you adore your hubby, you are still "real" and can have "real problems" like everyone else. Doug is gone 7 days a week for wrestling right now, and it has been a trial AND a tribulation. 🙂 What a great post and a great reality check for me.
Too many people want everyone to think their lives are perfect, but it's the imperfections that make us connect with others. It's just one more reason why I'm so glad we've become friends. Thank you!
Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality says
Beth, what a wonderfully transparent post. You are so right, we all need God in our lives to do this marriage thing. I've been through the "D" thing and it ain't fun at all. I am so happy you & your hubby worked it out instead of giving up. You have a great testimony that can be used for God's glory! You go girl. 🙂
michaela says
The time one year ago, I was fearing the worst and praying for God's best…. so thankful that you are were you are today and that you can share the reality behind your "fairytale". So happy that you and Matt are happy!
arkie says
Thanks for sharing that! Marriages can contain some rough patches. My husband and I had such a time. 36+ years later, I would do it all again. Especially, if I could take the knowledge I have now and use it back then! So glad things are okay with you and yours!
DeeAnne says
Thank you for sharing your story and your faith. I was blessed and I hope many others are too.
Charlotte says
such a beautiful post…true love is amazing…your faith so strong…thanks you for sharing.
xo
Jeanette says
I can so relate. But working through the struggles, I have my prince charming now also. We have kissed enough frogs!
Risa says
Great marriage post. Makes us all rethink our relationships and how important fighting for love really is. You're brave but you've made an impact on so many readers.
Nancy says
Ah Beth, it's those of us that have weathered the tough times that can truly appreciate the easy times 🙂 Thanks for a well-written post1
The Weathered Cottage says
beautiful. and perfect in so many ways.
Amanda @ Serenity Now says
Beautifully written, Beth! 🙂 At the beginning, I was like "oh boy, another post about someone's perfect Fairy Tale marriage." Thank you for being real. 🙂 T and I have been married for 8 years. Marriage is hard work, and I know I am a huge pain the rear. 😉
Carmen says
Great post! Marriage is not what people think it is. It isn't for the faint of heart…but it's SO WORTH IT! Mine is a fairy tale marriage too! =)
Anonymous says
More people to share truth from their marriages instead of the fluffed-up images we try to keep up! Marriage is hard and not a lot of fun sometimes. But it's worth it!
Julia Feitner says
I'm so glad that you two made it through this past year – I know it was very difficult. I can't believe a whole year's gone by already. Just keep taking it one day at a time and before you know it you'll be growing grey together. Life shouldn't stop just because of trials, eh? It's what we do with them – they either form a chasm, or bring us together and make us stronger. I'm glad that you're getting stronger! May God bless your marriage.
Its So Very Cheri says
So true Beth, each person has to give 100% (it's not a 50 50 deal) and you have to work on your marriage every day till the day you die.
Cheri
Shannon says
Fabulous post. Very beautiful, and so true, that many of us live the same way, with our own secrets and issues in our marriage. I always remind myself that a marriage is like any other relationship that requires some maintenance and upkeep.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful post!
Jenny B says
AMEN!
Dayka says
hope that made sense . . . .
Dayka says
So, so true. I feel like the more honest we all are about our own lives, it will truly help others more than we know. Things are not always perfect. Life is not black and white, though it may seem that way when we're growing up. THe biggest thing I've learned is that most people (regardless of what they may think) live in the grey area, as that's where the hardest decisions must be made. Sometimes you have to be careful about "blogland", because you can start to make assumptions about people's lives that are not true (as I have definitely done), and start to re-examine your own stuff. Thank you for putting it in perspective–reminding me that NO relationship is easy, and that even though things may not go as planned, they can still work out. I'm not married, but I have a tendancy to try to figure things out "before I get there", so this serves as a gentle reminder to stay open to possibilities that I yet know not of. Congratulations to you and your "boo"!
AnNicole@Our Suburban Cottage says
So beautifully written. I love your honesty and bravery. And I love seeing how much you love your dear husband. Truly beautiful.
Thanks for the great post!
P.S. You were a gorgeous bride :).
Julia says
You are brave for sharing this. And as one of my favorite Bible stories goes: "Perhaps you have come… for such a time as this." Meaning your words are very timely for me. Thank you for being the encouraging voice of our Lord! I know the urge to increased readership or popularity can stamp out such urges. God Bless you for being honest and true Beth.
I will now write that quote onto the chalkboard in our dining room. :o)
Gina says
Thanks for sharing this. Sometimes people think that because a marriage looks great right now that it's always been that way. The truth is, every marriage has stresses and trials, we've been there as well. When we're at that point we must rely on God's redemption and purification in us, and it is only in Him that our marriages can be all they were meant to be.
Thanks for your honesty.
Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions says
Marriage can be hard work, for sure! I think everyone goes through their own trials which may cause the "d" word to be thought about and said out loud. It can and does pass, if it's not ignored. I'll be married 25 years next year; having been married at the ripe old age of 21, I've known my husband longer than I haven't known him at this point! Everything we've been through {good and bad} has made me the person I am today. I love him even more today if that is possible!
Miki says
Thank you so much for sharing & for your honesty – been there not too long ago. God truly is the strongest adhesive to a struggling marriage, when all else fails and if we allow Him in. Glad to know things are better and stronger – they are over here too!
Happy Sunday! MIKI
Vanessa says
Thanks so much Beth for your honesty. Marriage is definitely one of the most challenging things most of us face in our adult lives, but the reward of the give and take are priceless. I like you am blessed with such a wonderful, supportive man!
Love
Vanessa
TidyMom says
Beth that was SO BEAUTIFUL!! I know EXACTLY what you mean! my situation wasn't last year, it was 15+ years ago (we've now been married 23 years)- we thought it was over, but we didn't WANT it to be over – we worked HARD, we worked TOGETHER, (and no therapy) we managed to pull thru it – and you know what?! Our marriage is now stronger, and better than it EVER was!! Somehow that crisis bonded us even more!
Thanks for sharing!
~TidyMom
My name is PJ. says
Truer words were never written, Beth. I applaud your honesty and I smile at your recognition of what I call "God's Holy Mojo" in your life.
Marriages ebb and flow like the tide; they're also affected by the natural disasters life brings, like the tide. When our bedrock is worn away, we need God to help us dredge and rebuild.
Okay, okay, sometimes I get all metaphorical and philisophical – especially on Sunday mornings.
FOR THE SAKE OF TIME says
What a beautiful testimony to faith. You should speak a marriage encounters. Good for you and your determination to make your life together better. May God continue to bless both of you.
Charla
jenjen says
Wonderful, beautiful post. I am glad you are doing so well now. My husband and I went through a very rough patch a few years ago and came out stronger — but it was hard, hard work. I love that you are so honest.
Have a blessed Sunday!
XOXO
jen
Veronnica Watson says
Very nice.
It's nice to know even beautiful marriages go through tough times.
Thank you for sharing.