Today is my 13th wedding anniversary. Matt jokingly said that we should count our years “hotel style” and just skip to fourteen. Fortunately for us, we’re not superstitious and we’ve had more than our fair share of trials over the past thirteen years to know that difficulties in marriage just come when two people live life together—no unlucky numbers necessary! So what is the secret to a successful marriage and how do you make sure your marriage is blog-proof? Well, I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I know a few things that have worked for us and other successful bloggers.
How to Blog-Proof Your Marriage
There are a ton of articles on the web entitled “how to affair-proof your marriage” and I think many of the same tips apply to “blog-proofing” your marriage. Admit it. In the first few years of blogging chances are really good that you had a complete love affair with your blog! It was the first thing you thought of when you woke up in the morning; it was the last thing you thought of before bed at night. You sat by your computer hitting refresh, again and again, to see if anyone left you a new comment. You poured over your words, worshipped your latest creations, and virtually hugged your newest followers. Blogging is incredibly egocentric and can be very intoxicating and addictive.
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
1. Acknowledge the drug. Many of you might not know that I worked as a counselor for years before blogging. I’m going to dust off my degree today and put it to good use :). Those of you who are depressed, have an attention deficit disorder, or are prone to addiction are at a higher risk for developing a blog addiction. Why? Because your brain tends to be lower in a naturally occurring stimulant called dopamine. And guess what helps give you an instant hit of dopamine? Blogging and social media! The constant feedback loop of “opportunities for reward” in blogging is non-stop. The latest emails in your inbox, the newest messages on your facebook and G+ page, the person who just tweeted you, the instagram pictures you have yet to check, the blog posts in your reader, the comments on your blog, the latest pins on Pinterest, and on and ON are all feeding the dopamine feedback loop. Did you know that our brains respond the same way to an internet addiction as they do to cocaine? Recognize that you might be addicted and set healthy limits on the time you spend plugged in.
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
2. Involve your spouse in your blog. When I began blogging four years ago, I had no goal and no real purpose. I just wanted a space to share my musings. I never intended for my blog to turn into a full-time business, and Matt & I never really talked about it. The income I have made from my blog has been a huge blessing to our family, but the amount of time and commitment involved has also been HUGE. As in any small business venture, the amount of time involved to keep things running can be all-consuming, and I could never do it all without Matt’s help. Although Matt dislikes DIY’ing, he is supportive of my creative ventures and helps me with grocery shopping, laundry, and the kids. He is actually a rather gifted DIY’er and sometimes I am envious of all the “couple DIY’ers” out there and wish Matt would adopt my hobby as his own. However, it’s just not his thing, so I try to be very respectful of the DIY demands I place on him when I’m dreaming up a project.
I asked blog friends to weigh in on the topic of balancing blogging and marriage and here is what they had to say:
You have to have the support of your husband (to do it close to full time) or it won’t work. Thankfully my spouse sees my time online as “work” not play, but I still have to be sensitive to his needs. I turn off between 6 and 9 pm to spend time with family and then cozy up with the laptop at night on the sofa while we catch up on TV shows or the news. –Kate, Centsational Girl
My husband and I have gone round and round over the years and we have finally agreed to my business hours. I think that is key. Getting your husband on-board and choosing as a family how many hours mom will be working. We also made some financial decisions to help my blog too – my kids are gone from the house during mommy’s work hours. I also hired a house cleaner. It is worth the money I bring in, and I also shut the computer down when it is not my work hours. My kids have no idea I actually work, and I love that. –Becki, Infarrantly Creative
Even though my husband rarely actually reads NP, I still ask him a ton of questions about what I’m thinking and ideas and stuff–then, I actually try to listen to what he says. If he were to ever to say “hey you are spending entirely too much time on line” I’d want to be really sensitive to that. However, I think earning some money for all that time spent helps lessen that blow. It’s one thing when mom can’t get dinner on the table one night. It’s another thing when she can’t get dinner on the table but she already has take out ordered and paid for! –Nester, Nesting Place
My husband isn’t an active part of my blogging, but he’s active in DIY home improvement and decorating decisions. I think it helps that he has his own hobbies and interests, but we both share a passion for making our home our dream home and work well together. He enjoys the encouragement and feedback from the blogging community. He even picks up on certain comments/praise and reminds me that “our backsplash is to die for”. LOL! –Roeshel, DIY Showoff
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
3. Allow your man some space of his own. This suggestion came directly from Matt, “Make sure your husband has his own space to decorate.” The man cave ladies. It’s important. Matt’s “man cave” is actually our unfinished basement which he said, “isn’t quite as sanctified as I’d like it”. Sanctified? Wow. Such strong religious rhetoric for an unfinished-spidery-basement. LOL! But that just goes to show how important it is that he have a place all his own. If you and your husband don’t share the same decorating style, be sure that you are allowing him some say in some of your decorating decisions.
The blog is not the problem here. It is all the redecorating that comes with it. And the fact that my guy and I don’t exactly share the same decorating style. He has mellowed a bit and has allowed me more freedom actually thanks to the blog. He is so supportive of me and my blog that ‘it is for the blog’ has been a good argument to agree with certain things. And I guess my taste has moved to a more sleek more modern look too. –Marianne, Songbird
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
4. Make time for your spouse. You have heard it said a thousand times over, but it still remains true. You have to spend quality time connecting together on a regular basis if you want your marriage to be healthy. Close your computer, turn your phone to silent, and just enjoy talking, cuddling, kissing, and fill-in-the-blanking *wink, wink* regularly! Here are some tips from other full-time bloggers on how to make time for your man:
It is really tough to find a balance when you are a blogger (especially a DIY blogger!) I’ve found that scheduling a weekly walk with my husband for an hour gives us the time to connect and make him feel like he matters. We usually trade sitting with a neighborhood friend. She banks our hours and then she and her husband go out for several hours on their date night. –Brittany, Pretty Handy Girl
We work on the projects together, and have fun with the DIY projects, so the hard part has actually brought us closer together. I write during the day, so the “job” part of blogging is done while he’s at work. When he gets home it’s family time, even if that time does involve us working together on a project. –Gina, The Shabby Creek Cottage
I do social media in 5 minute spurts – morning, noon, night, so I don’t get bogged down. Also having a smart phone is incredibly helpful for quick email, Facebook responses. 🙂 My hubby and I always spend time together after Ridley is down for the night which keeps us connected. He fully supports my blog, so that’s incredibly helpful. I try to stay off my laptop on Friday nights, so we can spend the evening together. –Myra, My Blessed Life
If my husband asks me to close up the computer, I do. He rarely asks me so I know if he does that he is feeling neglected and wants to spend time with me. I also have him proof read my posts because I suck at grammar and that way he feel apart of it. I put the kids to bed, blog or edit photos for about an hour and then my husband and I veg on the couch talking or watching “our” shows. I have not felt like it has affected out schedule or marriage very much. –Stacy, Not Just a Housewife
I have an awesome husband. 🙂 Really, it takes a special, patient, confident man to be a husband to a blogger. It was a big change for us when I started blogging, but he has been my No. 1 fan the whole time. Never once has he questioned the time, sweat, love and sometimes tears I put into it. 🙂 I do think it’s VERY important to get the heck away from the computer often, and focus on him and the two of you (and the same goes for the kids of course)! –Sarah, Thrifty Decor Chick
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
Hands down, your marriage is your first love and priority and is much more important than your blog. By acknowledging the drug-like power blogging has over many of us, you will be better equipped to set healthy limits on your hobby/business. Involving your hubby in your blog, allowing him his own space within your home, and creating time for just the two of you will ensure that your marriage isn’t being overshadowed by your blog.
Do you struggle with balancing work/hobby and family? What are some of the ways you blog-proof your marriage?
Anna K. says
Beth, I just stumbled across this post…and it was such a timely gift! My Husband and I have been chatting lately about the possibility of “going pro” with my blog. Income is always a good thing, but I’ve been concerned about how to balance blogging and my family/Hubby time. This answers a lot of my questions! Thanks for writing this and thanks to those who contributed!
Blessings to you and yours,
Anna K.
Nancy @ A Rural Journal says
My husband doesn’t read my blog, but I do let him know when his world is mentioned. Basically because he has co-workers that read it and I don’t want him to be blindsided.
With that said, he is fully supportive of what I write, because I’m careful not to hurt anyone’s feelings or be rude. I write as if my mother was reading every word (which she doesn’t because she’s too busy playing Cribbage on Pogo.)
Marriage is excellent blog fodder — as long as you don’t abuse the privilege. Be kind, be funny and share it all with your spouse. It works for me.
Virginia says
WOW! So powerful. Thanks for such an amazing post, Beth. This hit home in so many ways for me. It’s hard to express to non-bloggers the toll a blog can take on ‘normal life’, so it’s so refreshing to hear my feelings validated in such a way. I am lucky that I have an amazing husband of 7 years who is my biggest cheerleader, but it’s still such an adjustment! Man, you are such a wealth of knowledge for me! Oh, and of course the other gals, too! 🙂
Virginia
Mindy says
That second paragraph is spot on! and don’t forget hitting the refresh button on your stats! This is a wonderfully supportive and positive post – everyone needs to step back for a second to evaluate the effect that social media has on our lives!
Marco says
I believe a marriage is made up of 2 different individuals living together. All it takes is a little bit of patience and communication for things to work out well. God bless the married couples out there seeking happiness and thanks for sharing your ideas with all of us.
Vivienne @ The V Spot says
Amen to this. (And happy anniversary. I remember your post for #12…) 🙂
Haydee@TrashtoTreasure says
Great post…as a new blogger myself, I’ve already seen subtle ways in which this will change our dynamic, but its for the good..we’ve been together over 20 years, married for 19, so a little dynamism is par for the course…Great advice in general…nurture your “live” relationships..that comes first.
Desiree says
This is fantastic info… I am sharing it on my FB page!
Have a great weekend Beth!
Michelle says
Wow! You hit the nail on the head with this post! My hubby gave me a “mini intervention” about a week ago about my blogging. He said “I’ve disappeared!”, and he was right. I had no idea how disconnected I’d become. Thank you for your post. So glad to know I’m not the only one.
Calico Child says
Well said BethI loved this post & nice to hear other bloggers point have a lovely weekend!! :))
{Adventuresindinner} says
What an awesome post! It would be so tempting to blog all the time wouldn’t it? My husband and I made an agreement with one another that we would ‘turn off’ everything from 6:30 onwards. That’s our family time no matter what else is pulling at us.
Kristy says
Great advice 🙂
Another point that I think is important is to NOT air your dirty laundry online!! I’ve seen a few blog posts that mention quite personal, potentially hurtful details about their spouses… generally it’s just grumbling about arguements, etc… but I am usually quite alarmed and turned off when I read stuff like that. Unless you’re saying something positive, keep it private!!
{Adventuresindinner} says
Eeek! So, so true.
Beth @A to Z says
Good point.
Abi says
Love this article! Blogging really does take up so much space in your thoughts & time–even if it’s just a hobby. My husband is my number one fan and I love having that support.
Erin @ How to Nest for Less says
LOVE this post Beth! Sounds like your hubby is amazingly supportive of your job and appreciate that you guys put your marriage first before anything else.
My hubby works a lot of nights and goes to school so I blog when he’s gone (I have a full time job during the day so I really only have nights available to get my projects and posts done). I do not open my computer on the weekend, too. Stinks because I usually miss Tatertots & Jello’s link party or some good posts, but family comes first. It’s our only days together for quality family time so I soak up every minute with my hubby and daughter!
Beth @A to Z says
I so admire bloggers who work full time at another job. Not at all easy to keep up with everything!
Lisa~ says
This is so great! 1. I need to be reminded to put my marriage first and 2. It shows me I am not alone in this struggle.
Happy anniversary! Lisa~
Amy @ Positively Splendid says
Happy anniversary, Beth! Blogging is a blessing, but it is so important to remember what really is the most valuable. Thanks for the reminder and the spot-on insight!
Susan says
Hi, Beth. I’m a fellow Pennsylvania girl (I left the comment about the Walnut Street Bridge troll) and I’m also married to a Matt. We’ll be married 12 years next week. Cheers to you on No. 13. Hope to meet you at Haven!
Aimee @ ShugarySweets says
I completely unplug on the weekends from my blog. I still may be in the kitchen creating recipes, but I stay off the editing part! That can wait until Monday when they are all at school and work. The tricky part is school breaks and summer vacation. Finding the “right” time to focus on my blog.
Alayna says
Happy Anniversary! It’s #13 for us too, next week. It didn’t hit me until you pointed it out that #13 could be lucky or unlucky – I’m voting for a lucky one for all of us!
This is a good, thought provoking post. At this point I don’t spend a lot of time on my blog, though I have considered it, but I know the computer time in general has been a sticking point with my husband in the past and you’re right – what it comes down to is showing our husbands (and the kids) that they are important to us and that they get our undivided attention often enough for them to not feel threatened by the time we spend doing other things. Sometimes we just need a reminder about things we already know, right? Now, time for me to go put some thought into how we can get some date time for #13… 🙂
Kara says
This is such an awesome article Beth! When I started blogging my youngest was in kindergarten, so I had lots of alone time to get projects done and blog. Now that I have a one year old, I am finding it much harder to be “balanced”. I really needed some of these tips. Thanks for the reminder!! 🙂
Carmel says
Happy Anniversary Beth! We celebrate 12 in October! Love all the advice – so great to hear how other bloggers balance things.
Kelly @ EclecticallyVintage says
13 years – a very lucky number (I got married on a Friday the 13th)!
My hubs let’s me do my thing – he doesn’t have an interest in decorating or thrifting, or blogging but he encourages my passion (although he wishes I wouldn’t clog up our garage with all my “junk”)!
Kelly
Beth @A to Z says
Ha! Yes, I think most of our husbands can relate to having a garage or basement filled with our many “diamonds in the rough”.
Christan Perona says
Fabulous post. Thank you for writing something so bold. Truth is always good.
Beth @A to Z says
Thank you! Didn’t feel bold at all though :).
Lorie says
Happy Anniversary!!! Another great tip for blog proofing your marriage is having a husband that travels so you can use all that time he is away for blogging! ;D I know quite a few bloggers that use that method.
Beth @A to Z says
Ha! I can see how that would work well :).
Brittany (aka Pretty Handy Girl) says
What a great post Beth! Thanks for writing it to help us all strengthen our relationships and maintain our blogs ;-).
Beth @A to Z says
Thanks for contributing Britt!
jessica@fourgenerationsoneroof says
Happy Anniversary and thanks for sharing your heart 🙂 I loved hearing all the other bloggers thoughts as well. Hmm, I had to think about your question, blogging/marriage/proofing ect. and came to the conclusion that I am lucky. My husband loves my projects and is very supportive (knock on wood!). He teases me but in good fun. He says I’m crazy but in good fun. I know I am crazy so that’s ok. He works 12-15 hour days so there isn’t really a sharing time issue b/c when he is home, he is happy to veg out. I don’t even think he reads the blog unless I tell him he’s in the post 🙂 Good stuff chicky!
Beth @A to Z says
Matt never reads my blog either and I definitely don’t expect him to!
katie goldsworthy says
When I started blogging, the time comment it required was tough for my husband. It took a lot of talking and prayer before he realized it was something that he wanted to support. One thing that has made a difference for us, is that we really try to take one night a week for a date. It’s worth the extra $ to us and it really does help keep us connected.
–Katie
@ Creatively Living
Richella @ Imparting Grace says
Happy Anniversary, Beth! Our 13th year together was wonderful and included the birth of our third child. Our 13th anniversary, however, marked the beginning of a really hard year for our family. Our hope this year for you is all good!
You’ve included some good advice here, and we would all do well to heed it. I’d say that any blogger who hasn’t struggled a bit with the how-much-is-too-much question probably just hasn’t reached that point yet. To be honest, I think it may be especially hard for the newest members of the blogging community, who may see that some people are really making a living at blogging and feel pressured to compete. Honestly, I think the time commitment required for that level would be extremely hard on a marriage. But you’re right–the gratification received from blogging and other forms of social media can be addictive. Thanks for sounding the warning!
Beth@UnskinnyBoppy says
Good stuff Beth! I am closing my laptop now to spend some time with my man! 🙂
Beth @A to Z says
Good girl!
laura at top this top that says
first, congrats on your anniversary. I too just celebrating 13 years with my wonderful husband.second, your article is so right one and a reinforcement and reminder as I journey down the blogging trail.
laura
Beth @A to Z says
Happy belated anniversary to you Laura!
Kassi @ Truly Lovely says
Happy Anniversary! What a great post! Love that you got everyone to weigh in! I don’t blog at all on weekends. If I have a post on a weekend you can bet it was scheduled. I catch up reading blogs and what not on Mondays. The weekend is for my family.
Beth @A to Z says
Good tip Kassi!
Darby Hawley says
Beth this is such an awesome post! Thanks for the great reminders 🙂
Jane says
Happy Anniversary, Beth! This is a great post…I love the input from the other bloggers, too! My husband loves that I blog, he thinks of it as another hobby! I generally limit my time spent on my blog and try to keep my computer time down when he’s home. he totally loves that I have a connection with so many sweet ladies and loves to hear about what’s going on in the Blog World! 🙂
XO,
Jane
Beth @A to Z says
Blog friends are the best! I love our community too and am so grateful that our husbands understand the joy it brings us!
Taryn @ Design, Dining + Diapers says
You are awesome! I love this post Beth! It is so important to put your marriage before anything else. While blogging is not a full-time venture for me it can still take up time and I try really hard to keep it for nap time and at night after my husband and baby go to bed so it doesn’t interrupt daily life. And my husband is really awesome about giving me time on the weekends to complete projects! You are right, having spousal support when blogging is huge, sometimes my husband gives advice on projects when I don’t even ask and most of the time he is spot on 🙂 I love hearing everyone’s responses too.
Beth @A to Z says
Thanks Taryn! Sounds like your hubs is a keeper ;).