Anyone who shops on a regular basis with small children knows how daunting a task this can be. Before you leave the house you make sure that you have enough sippy-cups, baggies of snacks, diapers, toys, etc. to get you through the trip. The suitcase of items you bring will most definitely not be enough to avoid all meltdowns and tantrums, so you inevitably break down and buy some other “item of distraction” to get you through the rest of your shopping. Or if by some miracle the fairies of good behavior have blessed you that day, you end up buying your kiddos something that wasn’t exactly on the list because they are being so good, are asking so nicely, and are so darn cute & enthusiastic.
Shopping for breasts…
Well, we were shopping at this fabulous discount store recently and I decided to check out the lingerie section. Ever since Oprah had a show on bra-fitting a few years back, I’ve learned that the bra that fits me best is a 32DD. Okay, I know what you’re thinking…Uh, sorry Beth, no offense, but you’re not exactly in the DD range. I know. It’s total craziness. My whole life I’ve struggled to fill out my 34C, but I’m telling you the 32DD fits like a dream. It doesn’t ride up in the back, gives total support, and makes me look much more ample than I think I really am. However, finding this size in any store is next to impossible. Most bra designers figure if you’re wearing a 32 inch band then you must be in the AA region as well. But I have had much luck finding this size in discount stores (Ross, Tj Max, Marshall’s, etc.).
Anyhow, at this point in my shopping trip I had exhausted all bottles, sippies, snack baggies and had even resorted to allowing Zephan to play with my cell phone (a very forbidden pleasure for him). Asher was twirling around in the middle of a clothing rack singing a preschool song about the weather at the top of his lungs. Any mother would have recognized that at this point it was time to call it a day, but I figured we could just take a quick perusal of the bras and then head home. Asher, still twirling, lost sight of me for a moment and then saw me amongst all the bras. He screamed…”Mommy, are you looking for some new breasts?” I explained to him that the correct word for these breast-holding items is bra. He blinked at me a few times, and went back to “helping” me find some breasts. “How about these breasts Mommy? Do you like this one?” I thanked him for his willingness to be my stylist but let him know that Mommy was going to look for herself. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and started pulling bras off the rack and dumping them into the cart. It took me a second to realize what was happening because at this point Zephan had decided to pull a bunch of silky robes off the rack to use as his blanky. As I was trying to wrestle the adopted robe/blanky away from Zephan I explained to Asher that “Mommy has to look for her size because those bras won’t fit Mommy.”
“Mommy, this bra looks like your size.” Oh my goodness…do you know that he was INCREDIBLY close! Perhaps he has a future career in bra-fitting ahead of him.
Oh…and although I wouldn’t exactly say that the fairies of good behavior were upon us this day, I broke down and bought them both the Diego sweatshirts that they’ve been coveting. Who can resist a 14 month old lighting up and saying “Go…go…go!!!” Zeph’s way of saying “Go, Diego, Vamos, Diego, Go!”
Melanie Sorensen says
I’m so excited to enjoy your wit on a more regular basis – I miss it! Funny post!
beth, i’m so glad you are doing a blog. you’ve always had a way with words… and so does asher. 🙂
Hi Beth, Loved this story! Lily used to call bras “booby handlers” and she used to talk about them loudly in the middle of the store too. The boys looked very cute in their Diego sweatshirts.