I have to admit that your appearance is a bit intimidating, and I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted to bring you home to my family. No offense, but I have two small impressionable boys and I really wasn’t sure the whole left-earring-shaved-head-tight-white-t-shirt look was something I wanted modeled for them. I was wrong to judge you. You are fabulous. You have worked your magic all throughout my house and I am now completely smitten with you. No worries Mr. Clean. I’m a happily married woman and even if I weren’t, I’m not sure we’d make a good couple. Actually, I’m not entirely sure you prefer women in general, but I digress.
The work you have done on my sink with your magic sponge is truly phenomenal. It now sparkles and shines just like the top of your head. The crayon on my wall is now gone. The scuff marks on my floor–gone. The dingy dirt on the toys I’m getting ready to consign–completely gone! You are magical. You are very clean. I love the work you do! This is what makes this conversation all the more awkward and actually a bit painful. You see I just have a small bone to pick with you. Your magic is not so magical on granite countertops. Your magic sponge looks just like a normal sponge to the untrained eye. This said untrained eye used your magic inappropriately and now my gorgeous granite is dingy and filmy looking and perhaps ruined. I’m trying not to hold a grudge. Really, I am. But this mishap has definitely caused a rift in our relationship. I just thought you should know. I’m working on forgiving you. These things take time. None of us are perfect.