I’m in the process of trying to dream-up, start, and finish about 10 different projects right now and just need to stop blogging for awhile and focus.
I’m going to be very honest and vulnerable with you here. I think some of you out there will be able to relate to what I am experiencing, and I think it helps when someone is brave enough to “go first”. So here I go. You have already seen me half-naked in burlap, so now you get to see me half-naked emotionally as well. Lucky you :). I blog because it is a blast. I love meeting others with similar passions, and I love the creative challenges involved in decor blogging. I enjoy chronicling my journeys through crafting and decorating and taking you along for the ride. I ultimately blog because I enjoy using the gifts God gave me to create beauty and joy in areas that seem ugly and bleak. I share the best I’ve got with you in the hopes of inspiring you to do the same. However, I am also fiercely competitive. In and of itself, this isn’t a bad thing. But I’m finding lately that it is getting in the way of my enjoyment. This “need to compete” robs me of my joy and my purpose in blogging.
You see, there is a little red button at the very bottom of the screen that says “blogrankings”. The Stories of A2Z typically hovers right around 49th place out of 484 registered blogs. It’s a comfortable place for me. I don’t intend on being a “big blog”, and I am humbled that I even have a spot in the top 100. But when I start to see that number dwindle down, I feel a panic set in. I feel insecurities creep up. I feel like I need to “be more”. How incredibly ridiculous is that? An arbitrary number that only has the power to mean what I allow it to mean is impacting my feelings of self worth! Okay…that’s when I know I need a break. And perhaps some Midol because hormones play a huge part in my insecurities as well :). I don’t blog to be #___. So if blogging starts becoming a form of the way I measure my self-worth, I’m out. Done. Walk away. I ultimately live my life for an Audience of One who is the total measure of my worth, and I won’t allow myself to forget it. Okay, putting my emotional robe back on here…
Anyhow, since I’m going to be “off air” until next week I thought I’d give you a sneak peak at some progress… Craigslist chandy is looking better with…
…a coat of Dark Bronze spray paint followed up with a spritzing of Metallic Bronze. I wanted oil rubbed bronze but for the life of me could NOT find it! Sarah from Thrifty Decor Chick says Walmart is your place if you’re looking for it.
I’m pleased with how it turned out, but I wanted a little more bronze glitz to it. Hubby says leave.it.alone. He knows I like to keep messing with things until they are almost ruined and I have to start over :). By the way, if you are ever trying to spray paint a light fixture, I recommend using one of these shepherd’s hook plant hangers. It worked great.
The bedroom I dislike will soon be updated to something I hopefully love. Below is the wall color I’m going with. It’s a very subtle blue/gray by Benjamin Moore called In Your Eyes. Come on everyone, all together now…”In your eyes, the light the heat, in your eyes, I am complete, in your eyes, I see the doorway, in your eyes, to a thousand churches….Ohhhhhhh, I see the LIGHT and the HEEEAT. OH I Wanna BEEEEee That COMPllEEETE.” Hee, hee. Good singing everyone. That was fun.
Below is a glimpse of some fabrics I’ll be working with. I can’t wait to get it finished! Or actually, started is more like it.
Do NOT forget about the Stare at My Staircase Party on November 18th! Spread the word and grab a button on the side so that other bloggers can join the fun. Click here for more info.
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another one of the many reasons, i enjoy reading and SEEING what you come up with is your honesty! you are so talented. don't worry about those numbers. the numbers will only get bigger…along with your fab-u-lous blog!
on another note…i am joining your staircase "partaay". it might have to be something i already did, but all the same. it will be a staircase pic of something new or that i have done to decorate it. i took last week off from the blogging world, or i would have joined earlier.
take care! and good luck with your projects!
Thanks to everyone for your encouragement! My hope is always that if I am honest with my "junk" others will feel the freedom to do the same. You all are such a blessing to me.
Much love,
Beth
Thanks for sharing Beth. You're not alone. Just the fact you are open and real make your blog a hit. So you'll never need to worry about being out of the top; It will naturally stay ahead.
Thank you for being so open and honest. I can relate, even though I recently got started blogging. I started a few months ago, and then stopped when no one was leaving any comments. I felt like I was laying my stuff out there and no one was commenting. I mean, it wasn't that deep, but still, I felt like people were probably looking, deciding that they didn't like me (or my stuff), and then moving on–you feel naked on the side of the highway. I decided to get back into it when I recently refinished some furniture and wanted to share it with some friends. Oddly enough, when I stopped caring so much, people started coming. You and I are definitely at 2 different levels in the "blogger's hierarchy" (me, being at the very bottom, and you at the top), but I hope as you take your time off, you will come back refreshed and knowing that there really is no competition–it's just you, trying to live your best life, and documenting it along the way. If some people don't like it, they can shove it!!! 🙂 This is my first time on your blog, but you've really done a good job. Congrats!
Believe it or not, I just had the same 'competitiveness/pressure in blogging' conversation with a couple of blogging friends this week…so I'm right there with ya, sista! For me, I had to just remove my blog counter altogether and now I don't know any specifics about visits ~ and that's completely fine by me. My life at this point in time is more about God and taking care of my family rather than whatever latest decorating or craft project I've done. Make sense?
Hope you enjoy your break and the projects you're working on 🙂
Have a wonderful weekend, Beth!
Beth, oh Beth, your feelings are totally normal & blogging seems to bring it out to the fullest. If you can believe it, I have that competitive streak myself & even where I sit, the pressure is on! This is the hardest part about blogging, comparing ourselves to others. I have to constantly give myself a good talking to & remember that I'm sharing my passion & gifts & that it should not be a competition with anyone else. We are all individuals & have different strengths & abilities & I've even shared that in my blog tips post. Be yourself! And you, Beth, are a gem! Keep doing what you're doing, you are going to be fine.
Oh, I clicked on your black & green post & saw my office nook on there as inspiration. I had to laugh that you would remove the green vase. Guess what? I sold it in my yardsale last weekend. Ha!
I think it would be a shame if you left us….blogging is about you and how much fun it is to post something you have made or a story about what happened at your house. I went through the same feeling and felt at one point about quiting, but then I talked to my self and decided I blog for me and it someone else enjoys my post, I am thrilled, but if I enjoy them is the important thing.
It is great to be competitive,but you can't let it rule your life.
You are very creative and I can't believe you just do it for the glory……hang in there.
Barbara
Hey girl! I read this post the other day and meant to come back and comment. Then, I came across this on another blog and thought it would be perfect for you:
http://elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/10/tres-elsitas.html
go check it out. 🙂
I can relate to what you said…I'm always checking to see if I have any new followers…not that I think that I am totally amazing or anything, but it feels good to know that I'm not just writing to myself, kwim? And comments? I probably check a few times a day for those too—without many/any results, but I still check. I guess it is just "validation" that my ideas & thoughts are worthwhile, but like you said, there is only ONE person who really counts, and how we live our lives for HIM is what matters—not how many comments we get, how many people follow our blogs or how high we're ranked. We're already #1 in HIS eyes, and that's all that should matter. Thanks for sharing your heart, and I'll look forward to when you're back here blogging next week!
-Grace
geeesh where was this post 2 weeks ago?!?! lol i was wondering what to use to hang my chandelier as i painted it! shepherds planter hook! duh! heheheh great diy. looks fab!
Thanks for your transparency – I think many people identify with what you're feeling, and I hope that you feel encouraged reading all these supportive comments! Enjoy your break and your many projects (can't wait to see them), and know that many appreciate the beautiful uniqueness that is you! MIKI
I swear sometimes we're long lost sisters. I agree with so much of what you write about. Nuts.
I too put the blog ranks up on mine and one day when it was around 50 ish, it stayed there for sometime. I usually take weekend breaks when my husband comes home to visit and it bumps to the 100's so Monday night I freak out. It's ridiculous. Almost like high school again, and once was enough for me!
I started it for fun, and want to continue to have fun. 🙂 Have a good bloggy break! I'll miss you, in a non creepy sort of blogger way that is 😀
Rachelle
I understand about doing the blogging for fun, I do it mainly as a journal for myself in a way. But….with that said, I don't have many followers and there comes a point when you wonder if you are doing the blogging just for yourself and is the time you use to that worth it. As for watching the numbers fall, it can be stressful and depressing. You need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do.
Pam
I love your honesty and your ability to be able to take a step back and examine your motivations! I will miss you until next week, but I hope that the break means that you will be back to enjoying your blog and it will be more about the joy and less about the ranking! Keep on doing what you do so well, I love your blog, you and your blog are amazing!
Hello,
I just read today's post and was blown away…I am what the bloggers call a lurker..I love to read and just see all the creativity. I've been following your blog since last summer. It has grown on me and it is almost always one of the first ones I check on my favs list. Enjoy your break…looking forward to what you bring back to the table.
Have a fun break – I will still be here when you come back!
Next WEEK??? I don't think I can go that long. Guess I'll have to keep up with you on FB–you can't stay away from that too, can you? I hear ya, lady. Take a break. Regroup, reassure, and rest. We'll be here when you return.
Girl, can I just tell you that I ADORE your blog? I mean, honestly, you have more creativity in your pinkie than I do in my whole body. I wouldn't worry one lick. I have no idea how the ranking works but all I know is that you've got one amazing blog. You're so darn funny and so incredibly talented. Don't fret one bit!!
Enjoy your little break. Can't wait to see everything when you get back!!
You know who you're identity is in. Keep it firmly rooted there. And maybe unsubscribe to the blog rankings? Is that even possible? If it's a big temptation for you.
I think your blog is great.. and I'll see you after your break!
Yeah–I'm pretty sure A LOT of people feel this way. I think your being real about it and putting it out there is a great thing. Just keep it all in perspective to real life–that's what I try to do.
Take Blogrankings off your blog. You blog for you and not a number 🙂 Let it go.
Love you!!!
XOXO
Girl, I don't even look at the numbers because I would totally freak out!! So I just don't go there! I have "amassed" 107 followers and that alone, just blows my mind!! You are so incredibly talented and I LOVE your blog and will read it no mater what! The bedroom is going to be FAB!!
I found my oil rubbed spray paint last week at Lowes.
We'll all be here when you get back!'
Lou Cinda 🙂
I really enjoy reading your blog and seeing what neat things you come up with. I'm sure others feel the same way. Keep up the great work!
I'm glad you brought this up and I think you have a very good handle on it. Sure, it would be very easy to get caught up in being popular, and the feeling of – smugness? pride? that might come with it. I also had a serious sit-down with myself about my blog, which is haphazard and sporadic at best. And my conclusion was much the same as yours. If I enjoy it, I do it. If I have time, and that's what I want, I do it. If not? It's just a blog. It is not me, or my children, or my creativity. It is a reflection of my day and my projects, but if I counted on it to validate my feeling of self worth, it would have to end. Because that's just not healthy. And that really takes the pressure off. I blog for me.
You won't believe it ~ that song is on the radio as I'm reading this post!!! Freaky! I understand, I love that my follower number is growing every day and that makes me happy {considering I had 5 followers in March of this year}. But that's as far as it goes for me. It's not going to change how or what I post. Sometimes you do need to take a break from technology!