I absolutely adore the fall! It is the best time of year to be living in Pennsylvania. However, I do miss the lazy, relaxed days of summer when the kids weren’t in school and life didn’t feel like someone has their finger on the fast forward button. In order to slow things down a bit, our family implements a bonding activity over dinner each night. It’s small, and really seemed almost silly to blog about, but I thought I’d pass along the tip to you. We call the game Thorns and Roses (and apparently we’re not the first ones to think of it. I’m told President Obama does the same thing each day with his family!)
Here is how the game works. At the end of dinner, we each share a thorn from our day (something we found unpleasant) and then we follow it up with something we loved about our day (our rose). You could call this game “prayers and praises”, “lows and highs” or whatever might better fit your family. Our boys are nature lovers and latched onto the rose analogy immediately.
Here are some tips we implement to help the game run smoothly:
- Family members can share all the roses they want but thorns should be kept to a minimum. If my boys insist on sharing a bunch of thorns, then they also need to share an equal number of “roses” to balance them out. We all need to vent and if your kiddo shares a major issue that needs more attention then let him/her know that after dinner the two of you will talk more about it.
- Don’t scold your kids for whatever thorns they share or try to talk them out their thorns. Just listen. If you jump in and try to rescue them from their thorns, you’ll shut them down and they will not want to open up to you.
- You can ask your kids how they might change a thorn to a rose, but don’t push it. The point of the game is to listen and validate that we all have some things in our day that are pleasing and uncomfortable but to mostly practice the self-discipline of thanksgiving. If you want to model in your own answer how you changed an uncomfortable situation into a better one, fantastic (i.e. I prayed about it; I did some exercise to relieve my anger; I talked it out with the person that hurt my feelings, etc.)
In doing this little game each night, we’ve learned so much about our boys. They will often tell us things during this time that normally don’t come up in the “How was your day at school?” conversation. As someone who tends towards pessimism myself, it’s a fantastic self-discipline for me to practice. I want my boys to know it’s okay to talk about the frustrations of the day but to also be grateful and find joy in the small things. They LOVE playing this game each night. If you have teenagers, yes, they will roll their eyes at the suggestion of this game, but give it a try anyhow and see how it goes!
How about you? Any tips you want to share with us on how you set aside time for family bonding? Let us know!
carmel says
I love this idea! We have family game night once a week but I like the idea of something simple we can do everyday.
Daune | Cottage in the Oaks says
We do Thorns and Roses at dinner each night. Everyone gets to share one Thorn and one rose.
We also have a special plate that doesn’t look like any of our other dishes. It is called the Appreciation Plate. Each night someone gets the Appreciation Plate…..and we go around the table and each family member tells that person something that they appreciate about them. We’ve done this for over 10 years—and it is always a neat time at dinner. We do it before the blessing, so no one is eating and all attention is on the one being appreciated. 🙂
Twylene says
I filed this away in the “For Future Reference” section of my mind. Don’t think there’d be too much convo with a 2 and 1 year old about thorns and roses.:) I guess my husband and I could do this now though and they’d grow into it…Thanks for the idea!
Mrs.B says
Great that you do this…
We do too, except it’s just one thing each- Worst & Best part of your day.
Fawnda says
We do “what was your favorite thing today?” at dinner… but I like the idea of added the “thorn” part of it too. Great idea… we also add our favorite thing to the “praise” list when we pray.
my 3.5 year old son loves to ask our favorite thing at dinner and will often lead the discussion… i love it when he asks our 18 month old daughter and waits for her to answer… when she doesn’t he says “Oh, I guess she still needs to think about it.” : )
Sarah @ Handbags*N*Pigtails says
We do something similar also but dont have a fun name for it.:) We also have one of those old, cheesy, plastic bread loaves filled with scriptures on the dining room table(yes, I sacrifice some decor for scripture,haha) and every now and then we’ll pull one out & try to memorize it. The girls do a ton of scripture memorization at school though so we dont make it hard.
We’re also big on Christian radio dramas so we might listen to one while we eat(I realize this doesnt foster alot of talk with one another but we do giggle and use our imaginations at the time).
We’re huge on doing everything but vegging out in front of the TV so we get alot of time together as a family to be talking, playing games, going to the library, working on crafts and hobbies and such. So we have lots of time to talk about our day, even if its not at the dinner table(which we do just about every night).
Wow, that was a big ramble. Im sorry. Woke up early and couldnt get back to sleep. Its showing in my writing.
Have a great weekend Beth!
Wendy Hunter says
Thanx much. This is a good reminder for us all, no matter what our age(smile) to do this discipline of listening, validating, turning to praise and thankfulness. mil
simplyme says
What a great idea! When I pick up the kids from school, I found that they would start off griping as soon as they got in the car. I make them tell me 3 good things that happened before they can complain. Most of the time, they forget all about the bad things by the time they’re done!
Kathryn says
We do this too, but have never put a fun name with it!!! Very clever and makes it more game like. I use this as a time to really try to help Jemma learn from what happened and we talk a lot about “what would you do next time?” or “what would you do differently”. We give her ideas and suggestions, because after all… we have to teach them how to handle situations! We also do 3 things I am grateful for when we go to bed. Just to make us think about the positive! Great post! I can’t wait to read others!